Bizarre Word Bazaar Blog

July 23rd, 2017

What in the Helles Belles….
by Kat

Helles Belles Lettres

Everyone has a story in them, or at least a few beginnings. You might think yourself the next Hemingway, Poe or even the reincarnation of Victor Hugo waiting to write some bizarre sequel to “Hunchback of Notre Dame” or “Les Miserables.”

Whichever creaky-but-classic author you fancy yourself to be, submit your stylings for publication to bizarrewordbazaar.com’s section called “Helles Belles Lettres” where fellow aspiring wordsmiths have crafted their crazy brainstorms, hilarious e-commerce ideas and of course, one of our newest categories called “Famous First Drafts.”

Famous First Drafts

You might be looking for some inspiration with creating some beginnings to your own bizarre works. Or perhaps you’re looking for a good belly laugh after having to put up with dumb political debates at the office.

Either way, you can do no better than having a gander at the “Famous First Drafts” section. Many of these are worthy of quite a good guffaw, and it might be difficult to choose which ones are your favorites.

Here are ten samples of what it’s in store for your laugh session:

1) The Tell-Tale Fart—Edgar Allen Poe. So, could he be the unsung originator of “Whoever smelt it, dealt it?” The world may never know.

2) I Shot the Pontiff. Thank God! Either Bob Marley came down from his high or he got a knock on the door from the police while he was writing this song.

3) Field of Wet Dreams. Who’d have thought that baseball diamonds in the middle of Iowa cornfields could be so sexy, you wake up with certain spots on your sheets? “Build it and they will come,” indeed!

4) Ross Murray’s Baby. Because hey, dads who are fathers to evil kids are fighting for parenting rights, too, ya know! (“Hey, honey, where do you keep the holy water?”)

5) O Holy Shit! When you eat too many of a certain Mexican food chain’s Christmas nacho specials before the Christmas Eve service, and your tummy rumbles make the organist think there’s something wrong with the pedal pipes.

6) Ass Scratch Fever! The result of a week’s worth of summer camp being bitten on the rear by too many mosquitoes, then accidentally sitting in poison ivy, with no calamine lotion in sight. Funny for everyone else but you.

7) The Fuckit List. The script that someone in Hollywood really wanted to write, but was censored by too many “decency” committees.

8) I Beg Your Pardon—I Never Promised You a Raging Hard-On. We’re not sure who came up with this one, but we’re willing to lay our bets on someone with severe male performance anxiety.

9) The Drooling Spoonfed. This could be a group of babies—or really infirm old-timers in a nursing home. Either way, there are obviously bibs, a lot of fussing and whining and disgusting pureed meat.

 

10) Massage In a Butthole—Sting. This is either a ditty about forays into anal sex, or a prostate exam. Regardless, we’re pretty sure either subject is not G-rated.

Had a good giggle so far? We would give you more samples, but that would defeat the purpose of you going to the Helles Belles Lettres page, wouldn’t it?

Again, if you want to submit your own ideas, head to the content creation page and have a look at the guidelines.

If your content for Helles Belles Lettres, or any other section of bizarrewordbazaar.com is accepted and published, you win a free t-shirt. Just remember to include your size in your submission. It’s that easy, and best of all, it costs you absolutely nothing but a few brain cells.

June 25th, 2017

What Color Are Their Hands Now?”: Trademark Police (aka the US Patent Office)
Caught Red-Handed Trying to be Too Nice to Minorities.
by Kat

In the movie “The Great Muppet Caper,” Kermit the Frog tells his compadres that they’ve caught the thieves of an expensive diamond red-handed. Beauregard, a plaid-shirt-and-newsboy-cap-wearing Muppet says, “What color are their hands now?”

It’s a question we should now ask about the US Patent Office after the SCOTUS ruled that it was a violation of civil liberties to deny a minority group—in this case, an Asian-American rock band—the right to use a disparaging name for their band. The name in question, “The Slants,” is a common pejorative term used to describe anyone of Asian extraction or descent.

But Simon Tam, the leader of the band (how many people get to call themselves that, huh?), said he and his band-mates wanted to reclaim something that was commonly seen as negative and put a positive spin on it. He and his musical homies won the right to that positive spin after SCOTUS wagged their big-robed fingers at the Patent Office for telling Tam and his crew not to use a disparaging name, even about themselves, for their band.

PC vs Ridiculously PC

There is a difference between just being ordinarily PC, like not calling a black person the “N” word (because really, that is in poor taste, to say the least), and being so outrageously PC that your language is sanitized and censored on a level where you might as well have duct tape over your mouth, because everyone’s gettin’ their knickers in a twist over something, and you don’t wanna be on the wrong side of public opinion.

Simon Tam and his band’s efforts to reclaim the slur of “slants” and their experiences of being made fun of for being Asian into a positive thing. That’s like a woman saying “You say the word ‘bitch’ like it’s a bad thing,” or turning the word bitch into an acronym of ‘Babe In Total Control of Herself.’” In either case, it’s a lemons-into-lemonade exercise.

How the hell, we ask, is that bad? And apparently, the ACLU and the SCOTUS peeps asked the same damn thing.

The Name Game

So, in celebration of the SCOTUS’ wise decision, we’re letting everyone know about our offensive band names, and how you can purchase one from us. Here are some truly offensive, albeit LOL-worthy and original band names for your consideration, so grab a snack, a cold bottle of something, and have a gander. (We dare you to not spray your snack all over your keyboard!)

1) Pulled Pork

2) Big Willie Johnsonville and the Brats

3) Cock-eyed Whore

4) Liquor Ass

5) Chemo Sabe

6) Penetrating Glans

7) Red Headed Peckerwood

8) 4 Fucks Ache

9) Jack and the Off Beats

10) The Whore Moan

Are these merely appetizers for your keen mind? We do have many, many other names that will have you holding your sides in pain with laughter, or at least giving you a good ab workout for the day. So if you’re too friggin’ lazy to think up a clever, original, offensive band name, you can purchase one here. Just click on the PayPal button at the top of the band names page, send us a small fee, and we’ll not only sell you the name, but we’ll even show you how to sidestep the high price of trademarking.

At least now, with this SCOTUS ruling, you won’t have to worry about someone asking about the color of your hands if someone tries to catch you in the act of being obnoxious, let alone offensive, with your band name.

March 5th, 2017

Stupid Photo of the Week: New Year, New Photos!
by Kat

 

If you’ve come over to bizarrewordbazaar.com before, you’ve likely seen our ultra-hilarious visual category called “Stupid Photo of the Week.”

We are now three months into 2017 (oh no, say it ain’t so! Wasn’t yesterday New Year’s?!), and to mark the occasion of ¼ of the year being spent already, we have quite a few amazingly photos that will not only make you giggle, at least two will make you blush at the same time…or gross you out, whichever comes first.

Of course, since there are only nine photos so far, you’ll want to share the viewing experience with a friend, and savor the giggles with each one before moving on to the next, or else it’s going to be a bit too much like the first time you ever did The Deed. ‘Nuff said, right?

Here are hints of what you’ll find:

1) Someone thinking they’re going to start the New Year with a really, really bad pun on a modern Christmas tune. People who love puns, however, will totally want to share the LOLs, if they’ve not seen this photo already.

2) A bunch of what could be “Star Wars” groupies…poolside. Now all we need is that weird cantina band.

3) A truly hilarious camera setup involving a big tire streak in a parking lot and a duck. They paved paradise to put up this parking lot, and what do we get? A duck that can’t land for shit.

4) A clothing return situation you would never find at Harrod’s. Truly, the British phrase “Mind the gap” has new meaning with this photo!

5) The perfect chair for that Scotsman who goes completely traditional under their kilt. Any Scotsman-loving ladies looking at this photo might require some alone time with their imaginations, if you know what we mean.

We won’t reveal the rest of the pictures. Instead, we will suggest that if this is your first time to our “Stupid Photo” page, and you can’t get enough, have a look at both our 2015 and 2016 archives for more guffaw-worthy pics! You’ll be holding your sides, wiping your eyes and essentially giving your lymph nodes a proper massage with all the laughing you’ll be doing.

Also, you might even be inspired to submit content to our “Stupid Photo” page. To do so, simply grab your best silly/stupid photo, upload it to our content submission page, and win a free t-shirt! And who doesn’t love free stuff?

January 22nd, 2017

American Bullshit, True Story: A BizarreWordBazaar Feature
by Kat

 

You’ve heard of “fish stories”: those wild-and-crazy BS tales told by your grandpa, uncle, brother or maybe their wives and girlfriends, if they’re tomboy types who’re not that squeamish about worms on hooks. They’re the tales about “the one that got away,” or “the 10 foot marlin I wrestled with but managed to land.”

 Then there are the stories that lack any mention of water-dwelling creatures but are still so wild, so far-out sounding that the phrase “plausible deniability’ comes to mind quite easily. These are the yarns longer than your grandmother’s best ball of angora wool told on the front porch of your grandparents’ house, complete with rocking chairs or a porch swing, hot summer weather, lemon-and-mint-flavored iced tea (or something stronger), and words that, in today’s 21st -century phrasing, are totally NSFW (“not safe for work”).

 These are the kinds of tales that bizarrewordbazaar.com has on its page called, most aptly, “American Bullshit, True Story.” Some might sound true, as they’re written by the site’s owner, who clearly know a few people, and when you know people, you find out some of the most amazing, interesting things, because we humans tend to get up to some crazy stuff in the course of our lives on this equally crazy planet. After all, it’s often said that “truth is stranger than fiction.” Indeed, some of the best fiction sounds like it could have happened, right? Unless it’s an obvious Tolkien-sounding yarn. Elves just by themselves don’t exist.

 Or do they?

 That’s the whole point behind the feature called “American Bullshit.” If you’re a good storyteller, and submit content to the site, you can spin tales that suggest you’ve gone out into the world and done some really crazy shit that would make anyone feel the gamut of emotions from scared, excited to downright jealous that they weren’t in on that mad scheme you pulled with whoever-it-was that was your BFF from high school or college.

 And the stories could be true, or false. If you’re a great storyteller, you can blur the lines between fact and fiction, and be the life of the party—or at least your next family reunions—and depending on your age, be heir to the role of “Top Family Bullshitter” that everyone kind of wants to dismiss, but still believes because the stories sound so damn real!

 But why wait to inherit such a title? Submit your wild, crazy tales of “derring-do,” real or not (again, plausible deniability. Repeat that over and over, if you have to), and join the ranks of storytellers whose royally bizarre exploits and adventures will make your sides ache and adrenaline rise, like any good story should. All this and you get a free t-shirt, too! It’s not a crown to befit your own “royal bullshitter” status, but crowns aren’t machine-washable.

 Now, in between these true-sounding stories, such as the one about Muhammad Ali, whose near-unbelievable boxing skills carved his story into the minds of those who looked on him as a role model, there might be stories that are obviously fiction. You’ll know which those are as soon as your eyes scan the page.

 So, are you ready to take pen—or keyboard—in hand, and share your own tales of American bullshit that might be true stories, even if they’re not, and win yourself a new something to wear? We thought so.

January 8th, 2017

Just Sayin’: The Best Ab Workout at BizarreWordBazaar
by Kat

Let’s face it: 2016 was probably one of the crappiest years ever. The election primaries sucked, and we lost a bunch of celebs we admire to the Living Force (Carrie Fisher, we salute you!). And of course, the holidays are essentially over, and instead of being able to carefully preserve your New Year’s noisemakers for next year, they’ve been shredded, mashed up and turned into “hockey pucks” for the perpetual entertainment of your cats. At least until said “pucks” have been batted under the fridge to take their eternal rest alongside everything else the cats have shot under there like the feline Wayne Gretzkys they pretend to be, and not even your longest broom can get at those “hidden treasures.”

Add to this the pending inauguration of a loudmouthed, overweight Oompa-Loompa who shares a first name with a Disney duck, and you’re likely looking at 2017 as if you could just stop time long enough to put on a HAZMAT suit for the post-2016 cleanup.

We get it: cleaning up the aftermath of 2016 will be a workout. But before you go calling the CDC for some of those wonky “astronaut”-like outfits, you might want to stop and take a few deep breaths instead. That’s it. In. Out. In. Out. Good. Now, it’s time for some Giggle Exercises to work off those holiday “noms.” Trust us, you’ll get winded, and your sides (exercise geeks call ‘em “obliques”) might hurt, but it’ll be from laughing, and not from lack of stretching. Unless you want to stretch first. We’ll wait.

Done? Okay, great!

Now, go to bizarrewordbazaar.com’s “Just Sayin” page. But before you start in over there, just to get your abs nice and warmed up, here are some examples of the most recent witty word plays:

1) Cleenis Clock—Boxing Phenom. Hey, someone’s gotta take over for Muhammad Ali, right?

2) The Idiots’ Guide to Idiots. Now, the question is, just how long will it take you to read such a book?

3) Baitmon—Jamaican Superhero. Riddle me this, riddle me that! What’s the name of a Rastafarian bat?

4) Electoral Dysfunction. If you’re not laughing at this one, we’re sorry for the demise of your sense of humor.

5) Incan Ink—Tat Parlor. All the toughest luchadores go here, apparently.

These were just warm-up giggles, of course. For the full-body workout, you have to go over to the “Just Sayin” page to get the full effect. What’s over there? More hilarious one-liners, a couple of images to really work your abs, and much, much more, as there are entries from weeks past to read and get your calorie-bustin’ cackle on.

Of course, there are other pages on BizarreWordBazaar to help you shed that last five unwanted pounds from those New Year’s cannolis, but if reading the “Just Sayin” page alone inspires you to write some funny stuff, it’s easy to submit content of your own!

Just scroll all the way down to just above the comments, and you’ll see a link that says “To contribute content, click here.” Follow that link and it will take you to a page where you can send your inspired words of bardic one-liners and other jokes.

And if your ideas are posted on the page, you get a free t-shirt! What a reward for a giggle-based workout, and inspiring your brain to make 2017 funnier than 2016 was, huh? We think so, too!

November 13th, 2016

This Ain’t Your Grandma’s Ice Cream Social: Introducing the Bizarre Word Bazaar Facebook Page
by Kat

Social media is everywhere. It’s become the 21st century equivalent of ancient humans gathering round the fire and telling stories of ‘The Mammoth That Got Away’, planning war on the next tribe over for stealing your cattle, your girlfriend, your crops, or whatever else you can think of that might require a fireside audience.

Social media, therefore, has become a perfect way to spread the word about something, be it your cat, dog, new baby cousins…or a particularly hilarious website called Bizarre Word Bazaar, which now has….drumroll, please…

A Facebook page! (insert royal-sounding fanfare here)

Up to this point, loyal readers have mostly had to stick close to the main BWB page, and only share a link to the site by copying and pasting the URL, and submitting creative ideas directly on the site, etc. Now, as of October 29th, BizarreWordBazaar.com has a Facebook page on which you can comment directly about various articles we post.

And we definitely encourage you to make comments, submit content and whatever else you’ve been able to do at the main site! Not only does it give us instant feedback, BizarreWordBazaar.com being on Facebook allows you to “like” our page, share our stuff and get other people to see what we do, and generally keep passing along the hilarity faster than ever before.

After all, after this emotionally exhausting election year, it’s more than past time for laughter’s healing medicine. And the more people that “like” the page, contribute comments, suggestions, and share the hell out of the awesomeness etc, the more all of us can get down to the business of feeling normal again, whatever “normal” means for each of us, that is.

So in between reassuring Aunt Maude that you will be at her place for the holidays, blocking political crap for the umpteenth time and Facebook-stalking your ex, get on the social joke train and comment on the BizarreWordBazaar page on Facebook like your sanity depends on it. Then pass around the page liberally, to the point of annoying your friends with “invites.” After all, who doesn’t need another excuse to browse Facebook instead of working?

 

October 30th, 2016

Just Sayin’ & Other Stupid Ideas”: Ribald Humor & Raunchy WordPlay
by Kat

Are you tired of the same old jokes on Facebook? Feeling just a little bit of l’ennui (a delightfully French word meaning ‘boredom’) reading LOL-cat memes? Then do we have the web page for you!

BizarreWord Bazaar’s page “Just Sayin’ & Other Stupid Ideas” is so chock full of raunchy puns that will freshen up your inner LOL-meter and give your jollies…well, some ‘jolly!’

There are several sections to this page, so you’ll be spending a good half-hour, or longer, busting a gut and making your ribs sore from laughing so much. While we don’t want to put all the best parts of the page in this article, we do want to give you a few hits of humor that will have you going over to the page and reading the full monty.

Some of these ribald puns are quite akin to “Austin-Powers”-style wordplay, so if you’re  easily offended, triggered, whatever, then don’t blame us if you actually go ahead and read the page out of curiosity and then get mad. You’re the one that read it!

For the rest of us who aren’t quite so oversensitive, it’s time to take a dip in the slightly shallower end of the joke pool. Here are some of the truly “oh-myyy”-worthy wordplays:

1) Brace for Fudgepact. Not exactly an innocent walk around Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, now, it?

2) Whacks n Wayne. A “Wayne’s World” skit for the post-prime-time programming slot;

3) Jean Italia, The Famous French Flasher. A name that Mike Myers should have come up with for his “Austin Powers” movies, but missed out on.

4) Daily Inbred. Did someone say “Dueling Banjos?”

5) The Hogs Bison Particle. Just try to explain this to the PETA people.

6) Condom Mints. Well, at least the people who would use these will have fresh, post-sex breath.

7) Eternal darn-ation in Heck is What Happens When You Don’t Believe in Gosh. Going too far with the “thou shalt nots,” much?

8) Urine Deep Shit. “Clean up in Aisle 1!”

9) Poke a Man. So, Pikachu gets those “lovely butterflies” concerning Ash, does he?

10) Butt ‘n Hole. Just try to show this pun to your uptight, church-goin’ granny!

There are, of course some longer jokes, such as the one aimed at guys who get asked by their “bros” to put sunblock on their backs. That one definitely earns a George-Takei-worthy “Oh myyy!”

Further on down the page, you’ll see quotes from Bill Maher, whose razor-sharp wit has many not-so-intelligent souls bleeding profusely from their shallow senses of humor. These quotes are followed by more sharp-as-knives puns that read something like this:

1) Suckoffagus. Sorry King Tut, but there are no blow jobs in the Afterlife.

2) What is the sound of Jesus coming? We dare you to ask this of your clergy friends.

3) Mai Johnson (Vietnamese transvestite). Another choice name for an updated “Austin Powers” flick.

4) Lazlo, the Well-Hungarian.  Short of staring too long at his jeans, we’ll take Lazlo on his word about this part of his anatomy.

The list goes on much longer, of course, and if what we already have posted inspires you, or you have ideas brewing in your head that we haven’t thought of, please feel free to shoot us a few lines here at bizarrewordbazaar.com, and submit your content.

We’ll be glad to see what’s percolating in the minds of our readers. But you don’t get nothin’ for something: if you submit your ideas and we post them, you get a free t-shirt.

So check out the “Just Sayin’” page, laugh for a good half-hour and finally wipe the happy tears from your eyes. Lather, rinse, repeat.

October 23rd, 2016

Stake Your Claim: Finding A Band Name
by Kat

So, you’ve formed a band? Congratulations! Now all you need is a good name. No, scratch that. You need an excellent—nay, totally righteous–name!

There are several ways you can do this:

  • Argue amongst yourselves using zero resources but your brains. This works best if you’re not totally wasted. Not that beer and other yeasty libations are verboten in this process, but the room spinning around and around, plus totally dead brain cells are usually dead-end roads for doing your best creative work—even if it’s just coming up with a band name. So having some moderation with the “Miller time” might be a good thing right now.
  • Perform some vision quest and let a sacred animal be the decider. This only works if the lot of you are already intensely spiritual. Otherwise, you’ll just feel incredibly ridiculous.
  • Or…the ultimate (and best) alternative: You can go over to bizarrewordbazaar.com and have a look at some of the band names ever thought up, which means you’ll probably have the best laugh all damn day. You’ll find out why this is the best alternative later, but do us a favor and don’t skip to that part, patience being a virtue, etc.

Start Your Engines: Top 5 Band Names of the Week

 Before you dive into scoping out the main “Original Band Name” page, have a look at this week’s “Best Band Names of the Week” entries. These should get your engines firing on at least two cylinders, let alone four, six or eight.

 The five entries for this week are:

  • “Spunkeroo.” This can be as innocent, or as naughty, as you please.
  • “Dickulous.” How can you have the word “ridiculous” if you don’t have “Dickulous” first, we ask you?
  • “Tire Fire.” How we love the smell of burning vulcanized rubber in the morning! If your band is a molten energy that cannot be extinguished, then a name like this is perfect.
  • “Ho Sannah.” This is most definitely not a name for a church choir—unless you want to offend every hat-wearing granny in the congregation. Then go on with your very bad selves!
  • “The Beer Suds.” A good name for a band who’s not only playing the local dives, but they’re content with it for a time. Hey, nothing wrong with grassroots organizations!

 Now, if you’ve already thought of a name, and you think it’s worthy of showing up on our Top 5 band names page, then submit it here.

 Fire the Afterburners: Picking Your Band Name

 If you haven’t even started on the right track for a name, and you feel like a bunch of brainless monkeys scratching your arses, then have a look at our Original Band Names page.

 Some of the band names we have are brand-spankin’-new, posted as of this Monday, the 17th. And no, we did not use a computer to make any of these up. These are all out of our own heads—or rear ends. Either way, many of them are so outrageous, you can’t help but get noticed if you choose one.

 Some examples include:

  • Raunch Pad. For having fun with the groupies, perhaps?
  • The Unhenged Stones. ‘Tis a lovely name for a Celtic band, aye? (Staff Favorite!)
  • Pitchblende. For smooth, a cappella harmonies. Pretty sweet stuff! (Staff Favorite!)
  • Codpiece Nation. Bringin’ Elizabethan-era sexy back!
  • The Squeegees. For the band members who work in convenience stores with car washes.
  • Tattooed Lady. A name for the rocker chicks with tats, OR the rockin’ men who love chicks with tats.

These six options were just for “priming the pump,” as it were. But now’s the time that we reveal the best part: if you see a band name in our band name list that fits the essence of what your band is all about, just send a small fee and we’ll give you advice on how to avoid the ginormous cost of making your name a trademark.

Click the PayPal button (there’s one on the Top 5 Band Names page, too) and let us know which band name you’d like to use, and we’ll help you with the aforementioned advice.

Ready to make a name for yourself, one that will resonate in the hearts and minds of your fans forever? Then crack open a cold one, browse our “Original Band Names” page and get ready to laugh your way to what might be one of the best choices you’ll make all year.

 

September 18th, 2016

Dear Bubba”: The Nastiest, Raunchiest—and Funniest!–Advice Column You’ll Ever Read
by Kat

Advice columns and the ones who write them are one of the truest mainstays of any media source that’s longer than several pages. Advice columnists are the one way we can air our grievances freely without having to worry about the following:

  • Paying a therapist. No offense to psychotherapists, as many of us have likely needed such services, but unless you’re on government assistance or you’ve got at least a five-figure salary with insurance, therapists are damned expensive.
  • Having to go to confession. If you’re a devout Catholic, you feel confession is a duty. But come on, you know deep down how much of an emotional chore it is to recite half a dozen “Hail Marys” and ten “Lord’s Prayers” or whatever else the priest has in store for your whiny, and perhaps guilty-as-hell ass. After all, there are just some priests that have that ‘been-around-forever’ look about them that just screams “I know you stole cookies from your mother’s cookie jar when you were five!” (Who wants to keep confronting that shit when you’re a grownup?)
  • Adopting a pet. Sure, animals can be our ultimate buddies, being that they’re sources of unconditional love and they don’t go gabbing to your BFF about your crush on her brother (or sister, if you’re a hetero guy reading this). But let’s get real for a minute: like therapists, animals are expensive to deal with, and if you have a dog, you not only have to feed your bundle of psychotherapeutic fur, you have to deal with their shit, not the other way around. I guess you could get a fish, but a fish doesn’t give a rat’s ass how you’re feeling, so what’s the point?

The main problem with advice columnists is that they’re often a bit too PC. They’re obliged to write like “Miss Manners,” as opposed to showing how they really feel, like wanting to rip a new asshole in the idiots who send in their politely phrased questions as opposed to just saying “There’s a dickhead in my life that’s pissing me off! What do I do?”

If you’re tired of reading the same ol’ uber-PC, super-sanitized advice columns, then you’re in for a treat. “Dear Bubba,” a completely raunchy, nasty and hilarious-as-hell advice column will surely quench your thirst for truly ribald, revenge-filled trash talk that’s worthy of a Jerry Springer show, but twice as funny. This is politically INCORRECT on steroids- imagine Bill Maher really pissed off and you’ll get the picture.

Since we’re already in September, the “Dear Bubba” column has quite a few entries to LOL over. The topics range from nosy people getting all up in a mother’s business, to someone feeling butthurt about her extended family not acknowledging her mother’s death—and everything in between.

One of the funniest columns on the current page is called “Winter Bonehead,” where the writer asks advice about a cousin who parks their car at his house during the winter, but now has a change of heart and wants to charge a “storage fee” as it were. Wanna know Bubba’s answer? Go to the Dear Bubba page and find out! After all, we dislike spoilers about as much as you do.

One you start reading ‘Dear Bubba’, you won’t want to stop. Luckily, there’s an archived link for the year 2015, so there are plenty of idiot slamming weekly articles to catch up on. Enjoy!

August 28th, 2016

The Perfect Passphrase

Does anyone remember the days before the Internet, when all people had to worry about was remembering the number for their home security system? If you’re old enough to remember that, you were clearly born before 1990.
Ever since the early 2000’s, when the Internet just plain took off like one of NASA’s rockets and people still actually looked at hand-coding a website like it was actual rocket science, things like password-protected accounts have become commonplace, but so has the rather shady activity known as hacking.
The internet as we know it left its adolescence the minute that inventions such as e-commerce, online banking, personal domain names for blogging, and identity theft all ended up on everyone’s radar, to say nothing of social media sites.
Thanks to hackers, we’ve all had to change our passwords on accounts such as eBay, Amazon and Facebook, just to do a bit of name-dropping, and we’ve all had to make them stronger than ever. We went from using the name of our favorite pet rabbit “Bobo,” to some super-sophisticated, overly convoluted combination of letters, numbers and weird characters that make it difficult for a computer hacker to guess.

 Enter the Passphrase

 Well guess what? Passwords are easy for computer savvy crooks to hack. Plus, passwords are tough for the average Joe to remember. You might feel you need a “little black book” of passwords just so you’re covered in case you need to reinstall your operating system. However, there is a solution. It’s called a ‘passphrase’ and it’s nearly impossible to hack.
Instead of some random, semi-obscure “leet-speak” version of our favorite food or whatever, which can be awkward to type, what about using an actual, semi-recognizable phrase? It can be serious, but it’s best to be funny or witty so that it’s easy to remember, yet written in such a way that meets all the requirements of a strong password.
The more letters and digits, the better. Passphrases are easy to remember, yet are actually hard for criminals to guess, and they can be as funny and witty as you please. The longer you make the passphrase, including intentionally mis-spelled words and spaces (some sites don’t let you use spaces, so you may have to get creative), the harder it will be for the hackers to get in. So BizarreWordBazaar is going to help you out with a little inspiration. Here are some “LOL”-worthy examples featuring letters, numbers and symbols:

1)   Cheeto$neverprosper!  (Yay! Cheetos fans!)

2)   Fuck0ff&dyeHackers!  (Merica! Fuck Yeah!)

3)   TheseArenttheDat@Urlooking4  (All hail to you, Star Wars nerds!)

4)   Some1BlockthisCr33pyhacker!  (Princess-Leia-level sass)

5)   dontCrossthe$tre@mz!  (‘Ghostbusters’ theme)

6)   Revenge0fd@Nerdz  (This is what hackers will receive. ‘Nuff said.)

7)   Pa$$phraseBlockin?DontbotherKn0ckin  (Yeah, you get the drift.)

8)   EyewantsMyPr3cious!  (How you think of your data, right? Right.)

9)   UHack!n@Me?  (Robert de Niro would love this one.)

10)  KeyofCyouL8r!  (A pitch-perfect musician’s passphrase!)

Special Note: For our black readers- please don’t use kissmyblackA$$whitey! I know it’s tempting but that’s one phrase they’re bound to guess.

 

August 21st, 2016

Funny English Pub Names

If there is one consistent thing about the UK, particularly England, is that its residents love their pubs. Another particular common trait of theirs, overall, is their clever wit and skill with words. Don’t believe us? The UK is the region of the world which gave birth to the likes of Taliesin (ancient bard around the time of King Arthur, or thereabouts), Shakespeare, Lord Tennyson, and many others, right on up to the inestimable J.K. Rowling.

 It stands to reason, ladies and gents, that such an esteemed island in the North Atlantic should put their wit to good use and give their pubs names that will have you peeing your pants with laughter. This said, some of these names may or may not actually exist as pubs, but are simply possible suggestions, if any would-be pub owners are reading this.
Consider the following pub names, collected by bizarrewordbazaar.com:

 1) The Cock and Gobbler. Because ‘Rooster & Turkey’ just doesn’t have the same punch as an obvious innuendo.

2) The Loin & Groin. Maybe the intent of this name is a bit more innocent than we think, but come on, who isn’t going to giggle?

 3) The Fork & Beaver. Now this name is just downright nonsensical. Makes you wonder how long this pub’s been around, and just what kind of stuff the owners were smoking or tripping on.

 4) The Cleavered Beaver. Clearly, this has to be a pun based on the show “Leave it to Beaver,” whose last name was “Cleaver,” but because the name sounds so risque at first blush, we would not recommend mentioning this to your lady friends, unless they’re the sort to not get offended by much.

 5) The Head Inn. Oh, the innuendo! Oh, the puns! This pub name has it all! We’d be very surprised if you’re not LOL’ing right now!

 6) The Rusty Bollocks. For those who might not know, “bollocks” is a rather ‘polite-English-society’ term for ‘testicles.’ Say this pub name in a sentence in your head and you’re going to end up at least giggling to yourself, if not outright guffawing.

 7) The Crooked Mullet. Just the very idea is chuckleworthy. ‘Nuff said.

 8) The Pood & Head. The trick to this name is to say it very quickly, and you end up with a different word entirely: “Puddin-head.” Considering how stupid people get when they go to a pub to get thoroughly “pissed” (British slang for ‘drunk’), the pun should not be lost on anyone, no laugh track required.

 9) The Cod & Peas. Anyone who knows anything about historical men’s attire back in the days when it looked like men wore tights to show off their…ahem, frontal assets, will get a hoot and a half out of this pub-moniker pun. To everyone else, it’s just a name featuring a type of fish and veggie meal.

 10) The Ass & Tongue. Is this a real pub name? No, not yet, but we just bet you wish it was. Depending on how daft an actual aspiring British pub owner might be, this might catch the eye of some rather edgy lad or lass on the other side of the Pond.

 These are just ten of the 20-odd names—or would-be names—that have ended up on Bizarre Word Bazaar’s “Funniest English Pub Names” page. Head over there to read the rest.
Also, don’t forget that you, too, can submit content to the site and if your ideas are published, you get a free t-shirt you can wear to your local watering hole while you tell all your buddies about the funny pub names you read right here.

August 14th, 2016

Trump Roast

Imagine going to a traditional three-ring circus and there is a clown dressed in a dark suit with a red tie, an orange face, and ridiculously bad hair. Oh, wait. That’s not a clown. It’s Donald Trump, and he’s actually scarier than any clown out there. Just ask any baby. Also, we all know that’s not stage makeup, it’s a fake tan.  About the only thing authentic about this guy is his bad hair, and a narcissistic streak so wide it makes the original guy from the Greek myth look positively humble. But Narcissus has met his match in the clown-turned-would-be-ringmaster.
First Ring: Souped-Up Self-Image
Don’t believe us? Well, that’s fine, except surely you’ve noticed how much he loves to put his name on just about everything. Okay, sure, branding is everything for a company, but usually, most companies’ names are somewhat impersonal sounding. They’re about a particular concept or group of concepts. Trump, on the other hand, believes that he is the brand, as illustrated by a most adept classic cartoon spoof from “Bloom County” by Berkeley Breathed, posted recently on our “Classic Comics of the Week” page.

Donald Trump aka "What the Fuck?"
Donald Trump aka “What the Fuck?”

In this particular strip, Donald Trump’s psyche is still inside Bill the Cat’s brain. “Trump-cat” is lying there in his little flotation device and naming off all the schemes and dreams he wants to fulfill in order to make more money, including a satirical mention of Trump’s failed, yet all-too-real “Trump Steak” venture.
And, of course, just about all of what he does has to have his name—or some variation of it—on the label. Just let the reality of that sink in, because while that strip was drawn some decades ago, the “Donald” is still up to those tricks.
Second Ring: A Quadruple-Bankruptcy Feast of Turnips
Now that we have the pot stirred up a bit, let’s add in an even stranger pinch of reality: this over-the-top buffoon says he is going to run this country like he runs his businesses. Is it just us, or is anyone else thinking of pulling a Dr. Evil right now? (“Riiiiiiiiight.”)
Another Bloom County strip displays the lunacy of this whole thing by showing “Trump-cat” scarfing down turnips, and after lamenting that he’s been reduced to eating turnips to survive, he hollers to the heavens that he’ll never be poor again. Oh, and just how does your business acumen of four separate bankruptcies help America become great again, Mr. Trump?
Third Ring: Got School?
Say what, now? A school? That’s right! Enter “Trump University” where you too can buy ‘good knowledge’.  After all, everyone wants to be smart just like Trump-daddy, right? Even the classic strip “Doonesbury” and its creator, Gary Trudeau, couldn’t resist a jab at the Trumpster about his so-called school.
The male character in the strip mentions how the website for Trump U. is super-classy, from portraits of the founder (bet you can’t guess who), a coat of arms, the whole bit. The full online school experience included a school motto “Greed Est Bonum.” The cartoon guy’s female friend says, “Wow, part Latin. That is classy!”
But back to the harsh schoolyard of reality: what do you get in return for enrolling in yet another of the would-be Buffoon-in-Chief’s narcissistic endeavors? Go check your savings account, and then hear him say in your head, “geek-meme”-like, “All ur monies are belong to me” as you sink to your knees with that horrible feeling you once got as a fourth-grader when the school bully swindled you out of your lunch money—again.
Only the bully in question is a tangerine-faced clown in a business suit pretending to be your best buddy, and it would seem he’s taking “Barnum & Bailey Circus” founder P.T. Barnum’s adage quite literally: “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
Sanity Check, Please!
Clowns are known for two things: either making people laugh, or scaring the shit out of them. You could easily say this orange Oompa-Loompa covers both camps.
He’s making folks laugh because some nuts actually believe him (which is creepy enough), but he’s also scaring the bejeezus out of the truly sane people (even the few sane, rational Republicans), making us wonder of the Donald: “Who the hell are you, and what have you done with our beloved America?”
Feel free to send us your comments, your Trump cartoons, or better yet, your government manifesto. We promise we won’t say “You’re fired!”

July 31st, 2016

TV Shows We’d Like to See

The world of television is absolutely crazy. No, strike that. It’s surreal. Our love of TV, particularly reality shows, is so profound, and profoundly bizarre, that it even got a rather satirical mention in an episode of Doctor Who, which, by the way, is just about as much of a “cult favorite” as, say, something that does not show up on PBS or BBC America.

But today, let’s talk about the shows we’d like to see that don’t even exist—at least not yet. Bizarre Word Bazaar has yet to convince the various networks that the following ideas should become reality, let alone be part of the “reality TV” lineup, but regardless, the following concepts are true to the over-the-top spirit of TV programming that we’ve come to expect after a hard day’s work in the cubicle.

These concepts can be found on the “Helles Belles Lettres” page, where people who are fearless about showing off their creativity—and perhaps twisted imaginations—can submit their linguistic prowess. Some of these TV concepts are reasonably weird, and some are just downright ludicrous to the point of LOLing, but that’s the point of Bizarre Word Bazaar. You didn’t come here to be sane and reasonable, did you?

All right, here are some of the top concepts we’d love to see on TV:

  • What’s My Disease?” You know how people are always going on WebMD to try and diagnose themselves? Well, we might as well turn it into the most bizarre reality TV show, based on the game show “What’s My Line?” The point is this: Four judges have to guess the name of a particular disease. The contestants are picked based on how unique and rare the disease is, some diseases showing very few outward symptoms to the types of diseases where the patient sports lesions from bottom to top. Medical experts will be on hand to settle arguments while a priest stands by to perform last rites. One of the show’s highlights is the “Gag-o-meter” which gauges how disgusting an illness is by how much audience members lose their lunch. If your own gag reflex is triggered by other people vomiting, then this show would not be for you, if it ever saw the light of day.
  • “Chink In The Armor” This Learning Channel reality show focuses on Chinese blacksmiths who engage in medieval reenactments. The concept serves at least three niches: people who are Chinese, blacksmiths, and people who do reenactments. We’d love to see this show, but man, if it weren’t for that title! Ouch!
  • “The Balls of St. Mary” Think pedophilia in the Catholic church is a problem? Then you haven’t heard of this show. It goes undercover to the harshest, most notorious Catholic school in Dublin, Ireland. And that harshness is due to the discipline of one Sister Mary Margaret Murphy, a woman with nuts the size of Texas, wielding a whiskey sour in one hand and, well, the other is an iron fist. Anyone who has attended a Catholic school will either watch the show and empathize with the students, or cringe and cry in their own PTSD-laden memories.
  • Remade-For-TV-Movie: “Cat Scratch Fever” This flick, in short, is about a wild and crazy were-cat that goes around terrorizing the geriatric crowd. By day, were-cats are quiet enough creatures, but in the full moon? Well, let’s just say that, if this movie were to actually show on TV, the older ladies watching this might get freaked out enough to buy more supportive bras. Just sayin’.
  • “Broadway Scapegoat.” This show is for those who absolutely love Broadway, and love giving the homeless a leg up in the world. Result: new surprise talent is revealed when street-living folks actually get to replace top roles in “Les Miz” (the ultimate musical celebrating the lower class), “Kinky Boots” and other top tickets. The major surprise? Some of the true-to-life downtrodden are actually just as good as the original leading actors! How’s that for some silver candlesticks and a second chance at a real life tossed your way?dog-yeller
  • “The Dog Yeller” Anyone who thinks Cesar Millan is a bit of a pansy or “schmuck,” The Dog Yeller show is for you. Watch retired drill instructor Douglas “Doggy” Stiles as he teaches dogs how to behave through intimidation, rather than paying attention to dog-pack protocol. Animal lovers, on the other hand, had better stick to Cesar’s way, because “Doggy” is not about to get cute and cuddly.

 These are just a few TV concepts we’d like to see, but check out the “Helles Belles Lettres” page on bizarrewordbazaar.com for more insanely weird ideas that may—or may not—make it in the spotlight of programming slots. Hey, it’s a competitive world out there, even for TV shows!

July 24th, 2016

Comics Featuring Donald Trump Are Nothing New

 

It’s nearing election time, and whether you love him or loathe him, Donald Trump is the Republican nominee. To celebrate—or razz—him, for the last three weeks, Bizarre Word Bazaar has been posting classic comics from the 1980s featuring the tycoon with the permanent bad hair day and the perpetual fake orange tan.
That said, you won’t see “his royal orangeness” in color. These cartoons are from the daily papers, which are normally printed in grey-scale (black and white). Since two out of the three cartoons are in a series, and Bizarre Word Bazaar posted the series first, we’ll start with that.

Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump speaks at his South Carolina Campaign Kickoff Rally in Bluffton, S.C., Tuesday, July 21, 2015. Donald Trump wouldn't apologize after questioning whether Sen. John McCain -- who spent five years as a prisoner during the Vietnam War -- is a war hero. (AP Photo/Stephen B. Morton)
blah blah blah blah blah

Cartoon #1: Bloom County—Trump is Severely Injured and His Mind is Placed In a Cat.” Considering that cats, by their very nature, somewhat narcissistic, this was a genius story idea by the strip’s creator, Berkeley Breathed. The idea is this: Trump gets hit by his own ship anchor. He is then placed in a secret lab where his body is broken but his mind is intact. He has to be put into a new body in order to continue life on Earth. The choice body? A feline named Bill the Cat, whose only vocalizations were, up to this point, a very distinct “Acckkkbbbppth!” Yes, very eloquent. Imagine just how eloquent he’d be if his body were merged with Donald Trump’s mind.
And the only thing “Trump-Cat” can say is that he’s a philosopher, that he should put this in the ledger sheet of life, and chalk everything up to the fact he can now legally poop in Ed Koch’s flowers. And just how eloquent did you think he’d be?

 Cartoon #2: Bloom County: Opus Shows ‘Trump-Cat’ His New Digs and Trump-Cat Gets Back To Wheelin’ and Dealin’.” In spite of being placed in a cat’s body, Donald Trump remains, well, “the Donald,” and instantly criticizes his new kitty commode, demands that a new bathroom be built, and of course, it’s called “Trump Dump.” What else, right? In the next line of panels, he’s outside sitting on a rock mulling over his current situation: no credit, penniless, etc. But boy, oh boy, he is not out of options. He buys Opus’ lollipop for a mere quarter, says “I’ll pay you Tuesday,” then turns around and sells the thing as a fancy “pre-moistened” Belgian candy. Is Opus happy about this? No, not at all. But smarmy shenanigans? Well, that’s Trump for you, right?

 Cartoon #3: I’m With Trump.” This classic from the one-panel strip called Non Sequitur shows a rather brash political man named “Ed” wearing what looks ominously like a KKK hood and robe, with the words “I’m With Trump” on the front. Ed’s wife sees him and berates him: “Mercy, NO! Get back in here!”

 Considering some of these are cartoons from the 1980s, and considering Trump’s current ideas and rhetoric, all that remains to be said is this: we have officially gone so full circle with his buffoonery, it’s not even funny- it’s bizarre!

July 17th, 2016

The Stupid Photo of the Week

The Internet is full of pictures. No, more than that. It has become a virtual treasure trove of visual delights, many of them hilariously captioned and shuttled around the super-pixelated highway. In fact, humorous pictures online have become something of a drug for many. The good kind of “drug,” that is, that gets your endorphins flowing as much as the happy-laughter tears.

And what induces the happy-laughter tears more than stupid photos—or rather, photos of stupid people?

Some of the very best of these stupid pictures can be found at bizarrewordbazaar.com, where they have a section specifically devoted to such hilarity. That page’s name? Nothing other than “Stupid Photo of the Week.”

Stupid Photo of the Week july 17th, 2016  "I feel Cagey"
Stupid Photo of the Week july 17th, 2016 “I feel Cagey”

There is a wide range of photos on this particular page, from the idiotic to the truly inane and one that’s perhaps just a tad creepy. The photos for this year start with January 4th and run up to the most current (week of July 10th). There is no set theme to each month, but there are definitely some notable pics, regardless.

Some of the truly outrageous pics, which are both stupid and funny at the same time, will make you totally “LOL.” Out of the 28 pics posted thus far, here are eight that would win the prize for “funniest” and/or “stupidest” photos:

  • 4th: “Training to Be a Horse’s Ass.” It’s essentially a drop-dead hilarious photo of a guy sitting in a crib while wearing an adult-sized version of a baby’s diaper and a really small “My Little Pony” shirt. Add to this equation a pacifier and a stuffed “My Little Pony.” Result? Well, you’d better go to the bathroom before looking at this photo because you’ll end up pissing your pants from laughing.
  • 10th: “Get a Handle on That Tool.” This pic is definitely for the PG-13-and-up crowd. Essentially, it’s the Tin Man in bed with a can of WD-40. Yeah, you likely get the drift.
  • March 12th: “Downward-Butt-Sniffing-Dog.” Complicated yoga pose in the grass with a bunch of people + an amateur photographer who doesn’t see the problem with their “set-up” = one of the biggest laughs you’ll have at a photographer’s expense.
  • April 17th: “I Think I Know Why You Can’t Find the Book You’re Looking For.” This is more of a visual pun, because the bookstore is run by a Chinese owner, so it’s best if you head over to the “Stupid Photo of the Week” page to check it out. But let’s put it this way: this is definitely the kind of stupid photo you’re looking for.
  • May 1st: “Sounds legit, right?” This caption is for a picture of a food item whose name could either be intentionally, or unintentionally, suggestive. It’s a visual joke, so trying to explain it here would ruin the effect. Just check out the photo and you’ll have the best laugh all day.
  • May 15th: “It’s All In The Phrasing.” The photo for this particular week is crazy-priceless: a picture of Paris Hilton holding up what looks to be a cell phone, with the words “Queen of Fucking Everything.” Definitely all in the phrasing, right?
  • June 25th: “Yeah, All These Smartphones Are Making Us Antisocial.” June 25th’s photo is a visual gag worthy of the Muppets. Seriously, it is. It’s a caption for a rather vintage-looking picture of a bunch of people on a train reading the newspaper. Can’t you just imagine Statler & Waldorf sitting there with this caption coming directly out of either of their mouths?
  • July 10th: “This Will Be You In 50 Years, So Fuck You.” This is the most current photo, featuring an old couple in their late 70s or early 80s riding on a motor-scooter. The old lady flipping people off plus the fact that they are riding a motor-scooter just says it all.

This isn’t the end of bizarrewordbizarre.com’s “Stupid Photos,” though. They have a separate gallery page for the 2015 pics, and those, too, will have you laughing so hard that you might want to save viewing them for after work, just to keep the boss from discovering that you’re not doing your assigned projects. After all, it’s a bit difficult to hide hyena-like laughter in a cubicle jungle, so either your co-workers or your boss will demand that you share what’s got you guffawing so hard you can’t work.

And as long as you’re sharing our website with a possibly very annoyed boss, check this out: If you see something that’s worthy of the Stupid Photo of the Week label, go ahead and submit it. If your gem of a pic is posted, you get a free t-shirt.

Not bad for a hard day’s work, huh?

July 3rd, 2016

Online Marriage Advice – Beware

There are a lot of websites today that offer advice to single, married or divorced people. Whether they’re fake or real, people will always find a way to seek answers from people that they don’t even know. What do we know about advice on the internet? For one thing, the person seeking advice will tell his/her story and then wait for another person to give an answer. Some of these ‘advisors’ will only give comforting words to the troubled person.
There are, however, websites that offer unbiased relationship and love advice. Sites like bizarrewordbazzar.com where you can tell your story, and Bubba will answer them. The only difference of this site compared to the other ones is that Bubba is funny and will tell you the real thing.
If you visit their site, you’ll get to see a post with almost every possible situation. From troubles with the LGBT community, a problem with a deceased person, having a mama’s boy for a boyfriend, having no self-confidence and so much more.

The Benefits of Getting Online Counseling

 If you’re thinking of getting your story posted online and seeking advice from another person, here are some of the benefits that you can expect:

  • Accessibility: You can post your stories anytime and anywhere. This is especially true if you’re located in a rural or local area, through the internet, you don’t have to go to a specialist just to tell your feelings. This is also true for the people who are disabled because they can’t easily go to an area anytime.
  • Convenient: Both the client and the therapist can benefit from using online counseling when seeking advice because they can respond anytime. This way their schedules won’t be interrupted, and you don’t have to think about setting appointments and traffics anymore.
  • Affordable: This is true for the therapist and the client because they don’t have to spend extra costs. The therapist doesn’t need to rent spaces for their clinics, and there’s usually a lower cost when it comes to hiring counseling online.

Social stigma: People are always aware of what others will think about them. If you write to an online columnist, your neighbors and friends don’t have to know about it. Plus, you can give a different name if you post your stories in the usual sites like Dear Abby and Ask Amy.  The advice that will be given to you will be anonymous. If you ask Bubba, you will remain anonymous however, he’ll rip you a new asshole. It’s a subtle but significant difference. Check out “Dear Bubba” each  week for the funniest advice column ever.

June 19th, 2016

Try our ‘Classic Comics of the Week’

Do you long for the good old days when you looked forward to reading the funny pages in the daily newspaper? Maybe you stopped because today’s comics are too small and the print is too hard to read. Well now there’s a place you can get your daily fix- at BizarreWordBazaar’s Classic Comics of the Week post, and they’re in a large, easy to read format for the baby boomers and old timers who are big fans of a bygone era.

Each comic is selected from our 40 year personal collection. Some are actual scans from the newspaper, others from book compilations. One thing is for certain- you can’t find this mixture of classic comics anywhere else. The comics range in age with most of them from the 80’s or 90’s and each one intricately drawn with its own unique style and individual humour.
This week’s featured comic is from 1984 and depicts a man with his shoes run over, with the witty line “With outside help, Newton makes the transition from wing tip to sports casual”. A brilliant drawn comic from the master of understatement – Jerry Van Amerongen.

Next, a cartoon of a man who ripped the top off of a milk carton, rather than peeling back the top, as would be considered normal. “Bud usually rounds the edges off the details”. This particular comic is likened to our friend, the late Paul West.

Most of the comics are single panel from artists such as Gary Larson (the Far Side), Scott Adams (Dilbert) and Jerry Van Amerongen (The Neighborhood). There is a good variety for the reader to enjoy. They are mixed quite elegantly so that you don’t have three comics in a row from the same artist or year, so nothing feels repeated.

The page continues with more of these single panel comics and even some 3 panel comic strips. The first strip is a Non Sequitir called ‘I know this is a little late for Mother’s Day but what did you expect?’. The comic strip is set in what looks like a lawyer’s office and a man is trying to go over every detail of a Mother’s day card, to ensure there are no legally binding implications within the message, which simply reads ‘Happy Mother’s Day, Love Davey.’

Some of the comics have meanings that are easy to grasp, such as ‘Another Warped Idea’ by ‘Jerry Van Amerongen’ showing a man photographing his dog. He is exercising the dog using it’s fear of flash photography for incentive.

Others, such as ‘A Classic Herman’, is simply a goof. It shows a man with a poorly put together chair and the line ‘I’ve nearly finished this. Got any furniture polish?’ You may wonder if the joke is staring you right in the face or is there some deeper meaning? It could be an age thing….

I highly recommend checking out the ‘Classic Comics of the Week’ for your weekly laugh. Take your time, take in each picture and let yourself smile at the ‘big’ little things this website has to offer.

June 12th, 2016

Can a name define your band?

The answer is most definitely YES! Starting a band can be a very wonderful thing. This is something that boys and girls dream of all the time and one that feels great when it actually comes together. When starting a band, choosing a name can be a very important part of the creative process. Some bands survive strictly because of the name they choose, and it can certainly make or break a band if they choose a bad name.

There are some venues and owners out there that will not want to book a band with a silly or terrible name, even if the musicians are talented. Choosing a unique band name, and maybe even taking cues from some of the other original band names out there can certainly be not only great for business, but give you a great sense of pride that will help catapult you into stardom in no time.

What kind of name would suit this artist? Black Sabbath or Twinkletoes?
What kind of name would suit this artist? Black Sabbath or Twinkletoes?

Some of the most beloved and clever band names come to us from decades ago. You had bands like The Dead Kennedys, Black Sabbath and the Stray Cats to name just a few. These three bands all had something in common. Their name conjured up an image of what their music would be like- before ever hearing it!
Dead Kennedys = Punk Rock
Black Sabbath = Decadent Metal
The Stray Cats = Rockabilly

These bands all had unique names that helped them be among some of the most influential bands of our lifetime. This is important to understand if you hope to be immortalized by your name and help people realize just who you are in a sea of thousands upon thousands of other bands.

Your band can be defined by the name you choose, but only if you choose wisely. There are so many bands out there that it can be hard to tell them apart, and some people may only know you by the band name you choose before you reach popularity or star status. This is why it is so important to choose a band name that fits every member of the group and one that is really telling of the sound that you will put out. At the end of the day, singing and playing an instrument well and even being able to write songs is most important, but choosing a proper band name can ultimately undo all of that if you are not careful.

The BizarreWordBazaar list of original band names is a great place to start to get your creative juices flowing. We have some brilliant, cutting edge band names that are available to the public, and for a small fee, we’ll even tell you how to avoid the costly expense of trademarking your all-important band name. Damn, we just saved you $2,000 you ingrate! Hey…. “The Ingrates”… that could be your band name!

June 6th, 2016

Looking for a band name?

A band name is more than just a way of addressing your band,  it’s the identity and the image you want to portray for your music. Here’s an example- A band name like ‘The Pussy Killers’ ensures that the world thinks of your group as a bunch of teen idol wannabes while a name like ‘The Everlasting Gobstoppers? That conjures up an image of creative and mysterious artists.

A band name should not just contain your favorite insect or color or THING, it should depict your style of music. A rock band that contains something related to EVIL and DEAD like ‘Bloodspatter’ is considered cool while a classical band using that same name will just sound stupid. There are numerous such examples that would fit a specific genre of music and thus help identify with the band. For example, ‘The Rhythmic Jerks’ for an electronic music band,  ‘The Night Jamming Bluesman’ would be perfect for a blues group,  ‘Pitchblende’  for soft rock and ‘The Pile Drivers’ for a hard Rock Band are all excellent names for their respective genres.

Another way of coming up with a good band name is by mixing and fusing some clever terms and wordplay, creating a name that sounds ‘OMG, FUCK ME COOL’ . A good example for such a name is ‘the Van Gogh Gogh Girls’ or how about ‘Whore to Culture’? Another good idea is to use a totally abstract name that doesn’t even sound like a band name. How does ‘Famous for Stupid’ or ‘the Unibrows’ sound to you? Crazy? That’s what we want!

No matter what name you choose, one thing is for sure – it will stick to your ass like stupidity sticks to Kayne. So choose a good name to complete the identity of your band. It doesn’t matter if it contains laser guns, cockroaches, Internet Explorer or Jesus – if your music is good, the people will remember you, even if you decide to go full retard!

May 24th, 2016

Take your advice? No thanks buddy, I’d rather ask Bubba

raunchy advice
Ask Bubba for advice if you got the balls

For years the world has had to endure problem-page scribblers with their faux concern and the smell of self-righteousness hanging about them like smog. They get mail from people they have never met and on the basis of a hundred words, offer life-changing advice.

Such pages are not actually for the sad people willing to hang out their dirty laundry in print in the remote hope of finding a solution to what ails them. They are instead for the vicarious pleasure of voyeurs amongst the readership who don’t think they have similar problems and so can feel holier-than-thou because they are nowhere near as fucked up as the people writing in.

Quite why anyone would ever want to bare their soul (and their medical history in some cases) to someone they don’t know, amazes me. Don’t these people have friends to confide in? Physicians to consult? A bartender they could blubber to, even?

Do not despair. There’s good news at last for those of us tired with the current crop of lame advice from wooden tops like ”’Dear Abby’ and ‘Ask Amy': Bubba, the antidote to all PC, problem page nonsense, has arrived! Ask Bubba is a free to access blog. Do yourself a favor and check it out. Just check your health insurance policy before visiting the site because you might bust a rib laughing.

Bubba is a man with conviction—several convictions I suspect. But being a convicted felon doesn’t make you a bad person, does it? Well, in Bubba’s case it doesn’t. He offers advice on diverse matters from resignation letters to disrespectful mechanics, sex and spirituality. His selfless concern for others is legendary—he advised one correspondent to sleep around to get at her partner.  Out of kindness Bubba suggested that if she wanted to add one more infidelity to her tally she could visit him in prison for some horizontal dancing. Whadda guy!

Bubba is as welcome as Father Christmas on Christmas Eve. The 23 hours of daily cell time granted by the state have given Bubba time to really contemplate the angst-ridden outpourings of his correspondents. But unlike his mealy mouthed mainstream counterparts, Bubba’s answers are a slam dunk right in your face. Telling another correspondent how to handle conversations with a partner who got snappy when in a bad mood Bubba tells her exactly how her telephone conversations with Joe grumpy-pants should go after Joe says hello:

‘Hi darling. Are you in a bad mood?’
‘Yes.’
CLICK

Bubba lacks any kind of empathy, but brings to the party a welcome tinge of psychopathic disregard for the feelings of the people he is supposed to help. As he told one correspondent: ‘You’re a vulture. Go find another carcass to circle.’

On the down side, putting some of Bubba’s advice into practice may leave correspondents liable to prosecution in at least 38 states. He encouraged one correspondent to kidnap a dog. Now in San Francisco dognapping will get you a 10-year stretch on Alcatraz. (Yes, I know Alcatraz is no longer open, but the authorities would be willing to start it up again just to fill it with dognappers.)

Maybe you’re lucky enough to belong to the 1% of humanity with no hang-ups. If so, my advice to you is to get some fast—just so you can ask Bubba for advice.

May 15th, 2016

Chickens Ruling My Roost? No Clucking Way, Jose!

 

remember- chickens are the enemy!

A plea from Finger-lickin’ Freddy Frinton, Senior Vice President of the Stop Chickens Now! Alliance

Since the days when Foghorn Leghorn was but a hot egg sliding its way into this world via his mother’s dung-funnel, members of the Chicken Nation have hung with their homies in the shade of a million henhouses across the planet, pretending to be stupid …  biding their time.

Don’t believe me? Well, buddy, very soon you’ll turn down an alley with your just-purchased mega-bucket of super-sized McNuggets and find yourself toe-to-toe with a 6 foot alpha chicken with a “Once-We-Were-Dinosaurs” Tee shirt and a pair of Ray-Ban Aviator Mirror shades. When this avian avenger blows cigar smoke in your face, and asks in a De Niro accent: ’are you clucking at me?’ you’d better choose sides—fast.  But do the math—there’s far more of them than there are of us.

Face facts fella—they’re coming for us, and it isn’t to offer the wing of friendship either.

For hundreds of years a secret army of feathered felons has been storing up toxic levels of hatred for mankind in general and for Colonel Sanders in particular. Like Cold War sleepers these agents of the chicken sisterhood have led ordinary chicken lives, scratching in the dirt and acting like dumb clucks even though many actually have Phd’s from Princeton (Princeton Hen Diplomas).  But, believe me, brother, just one ba-waack down the telephone line from Chicken Central  Command and it’ll be showtime.

The clues were there all along, people. We just chose to ignore them. Take their infiltration of Hollywood for instance: Hitchcock’s The Birds? — originally titled The Chickens. Other films originally had fowl titles too: One flew over the Chicken’s Nest. The Chicken Wore Prada. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance’s Chicken. Twelve Angry Chickens. Then there’s the Vietnam War classics: The Chicken Hunter and Chicken-Burger Hill.

 Poetry too was fair game: ‘Ask not for whom the chicken clucks—it clucks for thee!’

 They even infiltrated the Royal Shakespeare Company through productions such as The Taming of the Chicken and Hamlet (originally Omelette). And who can deny the sinister implications of the Rooster Cogburn character in True Grit. Conspiracy theorists, ask yourself: Was John Wayne a chicken? Just saying.

When the chicken uprising kicks off in earnest, and agents of the Chicken Nation come for you, banging on your door at three in the morning, be ruthless. They might be disguised as Mormons or pizza delivery boys or Donald Trump for all I know (their forms are legion). Just remember, if it walks like a chicken and talks like a chicken …
See more funny chicken humor and bizarre photos here

May 1st, 2016

Cutting Edge Band Names for Today’s Bands 

blood
Bloodspatter – wouldn’t this be a great band name?


People are connecting across the globe to make music and produce melodies faster than ever. When forming a band, choosing the name can be one of the most frustrating yet important parts. You need a name that stands out. In order to find the perfect name that fits your music and persona, here’s some things to consider-

When a name comes to mind, write it down! If you come up with a great name, be sure to vet it. Check to see if the name is already taken. You can easily Google it to see if somebody is already using it.  Ask other people what they think of the name.  The main factor to keep in mind is originality. You don’t want a generic sounding name. You’re looking for something that sounds interesting, fresh and topical.

Original band names can come up in a matter of seconds or minutes. Inspiration can happen at any moment so don’t get discouraged if it is taking a while to form a band name. Your band name is very important! A lot of musicians create the music before ever thinking of a name, but it is something that will have to be dealt with at some point.

Another idea is to choose a topical band name, something that has to do with current events or an upcoming trend that is getting a lot of attention. Some examples would be “Hillary’s Wound” (Hillary is a name that could be making headlines for the next 8 years) or the Selfies (a trend that is getting more popular every day) Topical band names have always been a real easy way to get a quick name out there but also not sound too cliché. Whatever the route you pick, just make sure it is something that people can remember and would not mind having on a t-shirt.

You may be considering using a band name generator but we highly discourage you from doing that. A band name generator creates generic, random crap that will not be relevant or current. People don’t want their music created by mindless computers, so why would you want the name that defines your music to be generic?

We think one of the best ways to get started is to visit a few websites that offer original band names. This can help make picking a name easy. If nothing else, it’s a great way to get some good ideas and start your creative juices flowing. We’re prejudiced of course, but we think our band name list is the best you will ever find. It took many years to compile and is constantly growing and being refined so it’s well worth your time to take a look. BazarreWordBazaar Band Names List

A funny, cutting edge, clever or topical band name can set your band apart. Be sure the members of your band are in agreement and the name is something everyone can enthusiastically get behind. You want to be confident that your band name is the best so you can move forward with creating great music to make that name shine.

Here’s a few of our favorite cutting edge names. Check out our complete list of original, available and ever-growing band names – free for you to use.

The Crack Frackers
Broad Band
Toxic Dump
Candy Coroner
Bloodspatter
Taterstank
Dutch Oven
Cellmate Hickies
Man in the Boat
The Everlasting Gobstoppers

 

April 17th, 2016

A Brief History of Single Panel Cartoons

The Golden Era of the Single Panel Cartoonist 

March 20th, 2016 The far Side

 

Single panel cartoons have been inspiring us, informing us or simply making us laugh for well over 2 centuries. It is believed that in 1754, Ben Franklin’s “Join, or Die” was the first single panel cartoon placed in a newspaper in America. The golden era of the single panel cartoonist is considered to be 1880-1920. The single panel cartoonist entertained the reader with a variety of cartoon models. Some focused on editorials and political satire while others worked hard to put a smile on the readers face. It was during this golden era that our now classic comic strips were born.
The cartoonists in this era thought outside the box and used innovative approaches to catch the reader’s loyalty. Each artist was different. Some preferred the pen and ink method while others were at home with the pencil. Others still were partial to oils on woodcuts or canvas. The single panel cartoonist was at a slight disadvantage because they had to tell a story in one panel. They did not have multiple panels to get their point across.

The Single Panel “Gag Cartoon”

In the 1860’s the “Gag Cartoon” gained popularity. This single-panel used an ink line. Below the cartoon was the typeset caption. Photoengraving had yet to be developed; therefore, the process of wood engraving was used. The drawing was engraved in wood and then transferred to the media method being used. Color printing would not be introduced for another 3 decades.

Cartoon Illustration in the Golden Era

The Victorian style was still popular during the golden era for the single panel cartoonist. With only one panel to deliver their intended message, there was a huge emphasis on detail. The jokes typically covered familiar topics such as domestic problems. By the 1880’s these single-panel cartoons were enhancing readership throughout the print media. Cartoonists were now building a following and their fans couldn’t wait to see their next entry. Throughout the golden era, cartoons were produced at a rapid pace and are now considered classics in the industry.
Today the single-panel style is still used and cartoonists still amaze us with their wit or attempt to sway us with their political views. Many people have grown up with comics that are now considered classics. These pieces still make us smile and they take us back to a simpler time that faded with our youth. The golden era of the single panel cartoonist has left a lasting impression on those who appreciate a good cartoon or comic.
Check out our favorite pick for the Classic Comics of the Week, featuring some great cartoonists like Gary Larson, Jerry Van Amerongen, Wiley, Scott Adams and more.

April 3rd, 2016

playing-chicken
Who’s chicken now fool!

Why Chickens are funny

Chickens are seen as weak animals which is why it is commonly said among people “Don’t chicken out”.  The chicken has become an important source of jokes and riddles- to bring a sense of humor to man. Chickens have almost become part of man, and man cannot stop watching them and talking about them. They are very happy animals if you think about it. Have you ever done the Chicken dance ?  Yes, such charming, drunken animals! What will you say about this; seeing a chicken crossing the road? Has the chicken become a pedestrian? Can you imagine people gathering to watch the chicken? Wouldn’t you do the same? I bet you would.

A Chicken crossing the road

Chicken Jokes. One class of variations enlists a creature other than the chicken to cross the road, in order to refer back to the original riddle. For example, a turkey or duck crosses “because it was the chicken’s day off,” and a dinosaur “because chickens didn’t exist yet.” Some variants are both puns and references to the original, such as “Why did the duck cross the road?” “To prove he’s no chicken”.

Another important reason chicken are funny is the many different breeds. Some, dreadful to behold.
Onagadori; what can you say about the tail? I can see you are amazed, that is what I’m talking about.
White Silkie hen:
say no more no more.
Sultan chickens:
This breed features five toes on each feathered foot.
Naked Chicken: Wow! What are you going to say about this, weird or humorous?
Chicken Instrumentalist

You ain’t seen nothin’yet. Just continue reading.

March 26th, 2016

Need Some Writing Inspiration?

Having one of those days when you can’t seem to come up with a good idea? Don’t know what to write about? It may be a brain freeze, writer’s block or just lack of motivation. Don’t blame your inability to generate any ideas on a myriad of inexplicable things that sound ridiculous even to you. So if you need some writing inspiration you have come to the right place. BizarreWordBazaar.

A visit to our Wordplay Section will transport you into a black hole of zany sayings, aphorisms, mixed metaphors, weird and wacky band names and much more.

Helles Belles Lettres

Are you stumbling on an opening paragraph? Your titles don’t seem to tell the story? Do you  need some new aphorisms? It’s time to try Helles Belles Lettres. Get a sneak preview of “Remake of the Taxi Driver”, a 21st century version where Robert DeNiro’s character Travis Bickle is now Samoosh, a Pakistani immigrant. “The Deutche Baggs“ gives you a preview of what can go hilariously wrong when you trust two unsuspecting douchebag brothers who, as public relations marketing specialists from Germany, get jobs at Cosmopolitan Magazine in New York. Kanye West and Chris Brown are outraged, feeling they were overlooked for the role of the ultimate “asshole”.

“Just Sayin” and Other Stupid Ideas

There are lots of stupid ideas here for sure and since we all have some of those tucked away somewhere, Just Saying and other Stupid Ideas allows you to indulge, and even share, something stupid. Here is a sampling:

Vote for Hillary- She’ll bring a broad perspective to the presidency

You have a penchant for the trenchant

Armed and Amorous

Genitorial Services

Mixed Metaphors, Malapropisms & More

Metaphors and malapropisms can add a dash of spice to your life and your writing. Here is where you will find an eclectic selection of metaphors and malapropisms from the warped minds of the BizarreWordBazaar staff. What are Mixed metaphors? Let’s just say you combine some incompatible metaphors to get something ridiculous and hilarious. In Malapropisms, words are misused all with the sinister aim of creating a funny and surprising effect. Here is a taste of all the good stuff to explore:

During anxious times, it can be tempting to follow the siren call of the angriest voices.

I’m about as happy as a dead pig in sunshine.

People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren’t idiots. That would be stereotyping.

 

They even have a special tribute to the late, great Yogi Berra-

 “Always go to other people’s funerals. Otherwise they won’t go to yours.”

Need a Band Name?

Yes, there are better ways to select a cool band name than waiting for a “sign” or blending the names of band members together. The Original Band Name List  is an incredible archive of unique and creative band names for you to peruse.  Don’t break your brain trying to think up a band name- BizarreWordBazaar has already done that for you! Choose from hundreds of great band names to  propel your band into the big leagues.

If you think you already have an awesome band name, check out Top 5 Band Names and enter your name to be rated and possibly make the weekly top five.

Rapper Name List

Want some street cred? You got to have the right rapper name and it doesn’t have to be complicated. Of course Snoop Dog and Pitbull are already taken but who cares when there is an archive full of awesome rapper names such as TDS, Sir Real and Joe Mama.

Riddles

Riddle me this, riddle me that. Now who doesn’t like a good riddle? Here is where you can riddle yourself silly, or smart, and laugh till you piss yourself. Read, share, enjoy and create.

March 20th, 2016

Getting Real and Unbiased Marriage Advice

There are a ton of websites that offer advice to single, married and divorced people. Whether they’re licensed professionals or con artists, well known, or obscure, people bare their souls without any regard to whether the advisor is qualified to give them an intelligent answer. A perfect example is that bonehead Dear Abby, whose answers make one wonder- did she even read the question?

What do we know about advice columns on the internet? For one thing, the person seeking the advice has to be pretty desperate to post their problems on a website and wait for some random pontificating ass to tell them what to do. Most of today’s advice columnists will only give comforting words to the troubled person to make them feel better- if you’re lucky. When someone complains about their spouse, Abby’s answer is to “tell them” to do this or that. When the fuck has that ever worked? My husband is a drunk and a gambler. All I needed to do was to tell him he should stop? Wow, that’s brilliant!

There are, however, websites that off a very different approach to marriage advice. Sites like Bizarrewordbazaar.com. That’s where you’ll find “Dear Bubba”. Dear Bubba is an advice column where you can send in your problem and Bubba will answer you. The difference is- Bubba will not sugar coat your real problem or give you a soothing answer. Bubba will tell you to get your shit together. Also, Bubba is very, very funny.

Take a look at some of Bubba’s past columns. You’ll see just about every possible situation. From troubles with your LGBT neighbor to cashing in on a dead relative. From dealing with a mama’s boy to ratting on the renters, Bubba covers it all.

What could be the possible benefits of getting online counseling from a total stranger? If you’re thinking of posting your personal problems online, let’s face it- you’ve reached rock bottom. Either that or you’re a cheap ass.

But maybe there are a few legitimate benefits such as accessibility: This is especially true if you’re located in a rural area. Through the internet, you don’t have to travel to find a specialist. This is also true for people who are disabled because they can’t easily get up and go. For everyone else, you’re just too damn lazy to get off your dead ass.

Of course there’s also Social stigma: People are afraid of what others will think about them. If you write to an advice columnist, who will know unless you’re stupid enough to give your actual name.  Believe me, with Dear Bubba, you don’t want anyone to know it was you who wrote in, cause Bubba is gonna blast you with both barrels.

But we know the real benefit of the online advice columnist is to the reader. We can’t wait for the next sap to write in so Bubba can tear him to shreds! This shit is hilarious!

 

 

March 6th, 2016

Mixed Metaphors

Mixed metaphors are a hilarious form of wordplay, something the boys at BizarreWordBazaar know all about. Open that section of their site and you’re immediately greeted with an ingenious collage of George W. Bush photos, foreshadowing the clever humor to come. For those unfamiliar with the high level of complexity used by the folks at BizarreWordBazaar, they did you the service of defining both mixed metaphors and malapropisms right there on the page– that’ll save most folks a Google search!

As any old-time baseball fan knows, Yogi Berra is just as famous for his confusing yet enlightening quotes as he is for his performance on the field. As such, there’s a short memorial section reserved at the top of the Mixed Metaphors page to honor the man and some of his finer sayings. Berra once said “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded” when commenting on a restaurant. This quote may not make sense technically, but ponder this over coffee and you’ll soon marvel at the old man’s profound ingenuity.

Looking for a collection of the best mixed metaphors and malapropisms from across the web and pop culture? Scroll down further, and you’re greeted with some original gems. If you don’t think you’ve ever been caught in a hogmire, or muckledunged something up, or been cornfused, you probably have but just don’t know it yet.

If you’re ever in need of a clever new word or phrase, BizarreWordBazaar.com is the place to find it. Also be sure to check out their wide variety of available original band names, as well as their eye-catching and thought-provoking t-shirts. Got a funny idea of your own? Their team of wordsmiths are always accepting submissions from fans, and if you’re lucky you might even get featured. Remember folks, if you ever find a fork in the road, take it!

February 28th, 2016

The Academy Awards Rip-off

Time really puts things in perspective,especially when it comes to the Academy Awards Best Picture winner. Who are these people blowing to get their precious statue, ’cause it certainly isn’t awarded on merit.
Let’s take a look at a few of the past award winners for Best Picture and the competition for that particular year….
Starting with the more recent ripoffs- in 2002 Chicago won for best picture beating out Lord of the Rings the Two Towers? Are you fucking kidding me? Have you ever met someone who ever watched Chicago twice or even owns the DVD? I rest my case.
Going back into the 90’s, in 1998 Shakespeare in Love beat Elizabeth and Saving Private Ryan? Apart from seeing Gweneth Paltrow’s tits, why the fuck would anyone ever re-watch it?
Now it seems that the more time passes, the more obvious the ripoffs appear. Take a look at the year 1996. The English Patient beats out Shine and  Fargo? For Christs sake, did you even watch these movies? It’s pretty much the general consensus that the English Patient is one of the most boring films of all time, while Shine and Fargo are both absolute classics.
Dredging a little further, we come to 1994, the year of one of the biggest Academy fuck-ups of all time- choosing Forrest Gump, a movie that employed the latest parlor tricks (digital editing) over two of the most indisputable classics of our generation, let alone the year 1994. Pulp Fiction and the Shawshank Redemption. Shame on you Academy Award members,  you are more souless than Washington politicians.
Going farther back to the 80’s, just pick a year. Almost every winner was a turd. Sadly, many years had nothing better to pick from. With winners like Chariots of Fire, Ordinary People, Terms of Endearment and Gandhi (which I still have been unable to sit through after 4 attempts) it’s a wonder Hollywood stayed in business.
The late 70’s weren’t much better. Kramer vs. Kramer and the Deer Hunter? I doubt if Dustin Hoffman’s mother even owns a copy of Kramer vs. Kramer. Have they ever sold a copy on DVD?
Now going back farther, into the 50’s and 40’s, I must admit, it was a different time and perhaps I’m not the best judge of these movies because I don’t see much value in any of the contenders, and although I’ve tried, I can’t sit through most of these films. but one year does stand out as the year of the ultimate sellout. 1939. In 1939, Gone with the Wind beat out the Wizard of Oz. I have seen Gone with the Wind- once- and it was a good movie. The Wizard of Oz? I can’t count how many times I’ve seen that movie. It is absolutely addicting and a sheer pleasure to watch, over and over again.
This list would not be complete without the final insult- Yes I’m talking Citizen Kane being beat out by some forgettable piece of shit called the Green Valley in 1940. Citizen Kane is indisputably considered the greatest movie of all time by most respected film critics. As for me? I haven’t been able to sit through that one either.

February 21st, 2016

Why read Bubba? ’cause he kicks dear Abby’s ass!

Everyone needs advice at some point to help deal with an awkward or otherwise shitty situation, and the canned, uncreative and boring answers you’d get from blogs like Ask Amy or Dear Abby just won’t give you anything to work with. The answer? Ask Bubba!

Bubba is an expert in relationship and lifestyle advice with a proven track record and countless satisfied fans. Upset because your husband seems distant? Quit being such a fucking bitch! Need someone to point out the positives in your life’s misfortunes? Bubba will do so in a blunt and honest fashion, leaving nothing to the imagination.

In the age of political correctness, any old pussy can get behind a keyboard and beat around the bush, usually offering solutions that help readers avoid conflict or try and turn around a hopeless life. Unlike these charlatans, Bubba gets straight to the point so you know exactly what the fuck you need to do. He may not tell you what you want to hear, but he has a knack for telling readers what they need to hear.

The true beauty of Bubba’s work is that in pointing out the obvious, he allows his audience the chance to stop being a wuss and do what needs to be done. So stop wasting your time pondering complex issues– Bubba makes it simple and easy to nut up and crush anything life’s bitch ass can throw at you.
See Bubba’s latest rant here

February 13th, 2016

a new SXSW Musicfest- Soused by Soused Wet

 

Shoutout to the boys at Bizarre Word Bazaar for another dope t-shirt design!

Your collection of unique and thought-provoking shirts will never be complete without one of their high quality “Soused by Soused Wet” beauties. You’ll be the envy of all your friends– and the other common peasants– with their classic SXSW clothing and accessories.

Created using a waterbased ink to ensure silky comfort and avoid stiffness, each 100% cotton shirt is crafted entirely in North America to support our regional economy.

But the fun doesn’t stop there! Featuring fictional (and hilarious!) band names such as Tater Stank and Poo Poo and the Mudcutters, this shirt is sure to garner some laughs from passersby, who will appreciate your witty satire. The pure cleverness and accuracy of the Soused by Soused Wet parody will leave the stupid scratching their heads while the smart feel their jaws drop in awe.

This shirt’s awesomeness carries even beyond its satirical splendor– just check out that eye-catching design! Disguised as an average festival t-shirt, this piece draws the viewer in with its familiar layout before delivering a powerful punch of parody. The shocking image of two cars in a head-on collision combined with soft and neutral colors makes this a shirt that shows off your wit and uniqueness without being too overpowering.

Well what are you waiting for? Everyone go grab your Soused by Soused Wet t-shirts so we can all wear them out and be unique together! That’s how it works, right?

SXSW Novelty T-shirt

February 7th, 2016

The Stupid Internet Photo

 

They overwhelmingly flood our social media news feeds each day, friends text them to us, co-workers cc them to everyone in the office in the hopes they will seem witty: the STUPID internet photo. The stupid internet photo does not have to be a photo per se, in fact it can be an assortment of media, all which get easily passed around like a cheap crack-addicted prostitute. There are the stupid viral YouTube videos (not to be confused with the stupid Vine or 5-second video), memes, poorly edited GIFs, twitter/snapchat screenshots, and many more. Though they may be different, they all share the same spirit and purpose of the stupid internet photo: to allow humankind to forge a connection with one another.

A long long time ago, prehistoric men and women sat in their humble caves and began creating the first cave paintings – – although historians have speculated that these paintings served as a way of recording history, telling stories, and worshiping deities, perhaps some of these early artists gave birth to the first stupid pictures and memes, such as the classics “Urr Steps in Mammoth Dung” or “Lug Burns His Beard Off Whilst Discovering Fire”. These stupid cave paintings were a way for early humans to connect and laugh with one another after a busy day of hunting and gathering… and the rest, is history. We’ve been sharing stupid pictures ever since. Okay, maybe that is a little far-fetched and historically inaccurate, but there is some truth to it. All humans are connected in the way that they have a sense of humor- and with the existence of the internet it is only natural that there has been a proliferation of stupid internet photos in recent years.

Perhaps, stupid internet photos lack a certain aesthetic and nobility compared to the works of Shakespeare, McDonald’s Breakfast served all day, the music of the Beatles, the World Cup, and indeed actual great works of art – – and true, they may not be on the same level as similar ideologies, cultures, and religious beliefs, things that truly unite people, but, as Pulp Fiction‘s Vincent Vega would comment, they [stupid internet pictures] are in the same ball park. After all who hasn’t felt the momentary humor in seeing the Grumpy Cat, the disgust of viewing the customers of People of Walmart, or felt the bewilderment of witnessing the latest Miley Cyrus meme.

The sharing of stupid internet photos aren’t going to end anytime soon, there will be more and more each day, and because they live on the internet, they will exist forever. Fifty years from now you will click a link which opens a stupid photo you laughed at as a teenager, and that is somewhat endearing to think about. There is no point in fighting or hating them, they will be around long after we are gone, like virtual cockroaches. Check out some of the latest stupid internet photos here on Bizarre Word Bazaar Stupid Photo of the Week

January 31st, 2016
by Giles Ensor

The Last Laugh

It was so sad when John Comic, a close, personal friend of mine and the driving force behind the invention of the comic, died last week. I have many fond memories of my time with him although they are, of course, tinged with sadness.
I met John in 1955 when he was a struggling agent, who didn’t have two clients to rub together. It goes without saying that, even as a young man, there was an energy that affected both supporter and detractor alike.
That doesn’t mean that there weren’t mistakes. Who can forget the first disastrous Snoopy comic strips when John persuaded Charles M Schulz that Snoopy would be better as a Venus Fly Trap? Or the time when he thought Garfield would be funnier if he were a 1964 Mini Cooper S?
But he also had great success. A little known fact was that John was responsible for introducing pictures to the world of comics. He claimed that he had had a dream where an ethereal voice whispered him the idea. He also used to say that he was the first person to think of adding words to comics.
If you want to see some of the work John Comic was responsible for, head over to this page.
His personal life was not so successful. When John was young, he lived with Vincent, a young man who became his personal assistant and shoulder to cry on. Sadly, it was not to last. Here, Vincent tells the story of their break up.

“When I asked John why he was leaving me he told me he didn’t want to be gay anymore. I told him that that was ridiculous and that you can’t just choose not to be gay, but John replied saying, “I’m sorry but I bloody well can if it makes my eyes water that much!”

John Comic (1935 – 2016)

Sadly ‘John’ had little to do with some of the other great classics. Larson’s The Far Side, which ended with his retirement in 1995, was syndicated worldwide to nearly 2,000 newspapers. Or Dilbert by Scott Adam, syndicated to over 2,000 international newspapers sold in 65 countries and translated into 25 languages. Both of which, along with many others, can be found on our Classic Comics of the Week page.

January 24th, 2016
by Giles Ensor

Band name, anyone?

The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Aerosmith, Showaddywaddy, these are the names of bands that have gone down in the annals of history. And yet, there comes a time, when the old must be replaced by the new, the weak by the strong, the normal by the strange.
Yes, Bizarre Word Bazaar has (yet again) spared every expense to bring you band names that will make you wonder why we don’t do something more constructive with our lives. Take these names: Sluice Box, Side Boob, Pavlov’s Bitch, The Sluice Gators (we like the word ‘sluice’). Please … take them! Hahahaha etc. The old ones are the best ones.  And that’s not all. We have a band name for every situation. Come from the borders of Russia and one of those even shittier countries ending in –stan? You need a name like ‘Badderoff Dayad’.
Want to be on some TV show where you’re all of 25 years old, a school kid and the guys continually fuck you in the butt? ‘Pitchblende’ is the name for you. (Or ‘Bite My Lip’ if you are the guy who doesn’t give a crap about the TV show and just likes taking it up the arse.)
Finally, you may be a Christian group looking for a name to help you become the next ‘Hillsong’ because, let’s be honest, who isn’t? Look no further. ‘Jesus Nut’, ‘BB Jesus’, ‘The B’Jesus’, ‘The Sweet Jesus Jasmine Choir’ (don’t know where that last one came from; it’s quite good) are just some of the names you will probably want to avoid.  Yes! Suggestive, funny, or just downright blasphemous, the depths of our talents know no beginning.
If you are so drunk, or retarded, that you think the names above are ‘pretty fucking cool, man’ then follow this link; unfortunately we have lots more.  Now, fuck off, and get back to work. You can’t even play a musical instrument.

January 17th, 2016
by Giles Ensor

“Just sayin”  What the hell does that even mean?

It seems every troll who feels the world is interested in their opinion also thinks their words are going to be less bigoted by adding “just sayin”. These pontificating, sanctimonious dildos make me sick. So here’s a little history on the phrase ‘just sayin’….
According to Language Log ‘I am just saying’ made its first appearance in Onesimus’ Leon, or Old Paul’s Treasure, in 1854. It reared its ugly head six years later in a letter to the British satirical magazine, Punch and again in a ruling in the Supreme Court of Missouri in 1911, but I feel, as does Language Log, that I may be stretching to say that these three examples have the same meaning as ‘(I’m) just sayin’ does today.
Which brings me on to the meaning itself. There are some good uses of the phrase, one of which is to express resigned acceptance.
“I wish there was one decent manager in this company. I’m just saying.”
Another good one is to create distance between the person speaking and what they are saying, especially when speaking in rash generalities.
“I wonder why poor people are so stupid. I’m just sayin.”
However, I think it is fair to say that most people use it, or see it being used, as a way to lessen an insult.
“Wow! You got fat! I’m just sayin.”
Screw the moral high ground. Cue rant. When did it become okay to insult people? Well, I’ll tell you when. When people decided that because talking on social media wasn’t ‘real’ talking, it wasn’t necessary to keep to the rules of society.
And this is why every stupid… Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll let Johnny from Urban Dictionary rant on my behalf,
“The punctuation dumb people put at the end of an unsolicited, factless assertion to indicate self-satisfaction at having stated something they erroneously believe to be clever, biting, and insightful.”
Hahahaha. Dumb people. Hey! Just sayin.
We suggest you check out our feature page Just sayin’ and other stupid ideas to get our take on the meaning of that phrase. If you refuse, you don’t have any balls!  Just sayin’…

January 10th, 2016

A shameless plug for our beloved ‘Bubba’

 

Have you ever wished you could get advice on your love life from an expert who would tell it to you gently, with good humor and grace? Unfortunately, you’ll get none of that with ASK BUBBA, but what you will get is advice that actually matters, that is practical and cuts through the bullshit.
If you have questions about church, the meaning of love, or your mid-life crisis, send it in. But if you do, you should expect a life changing epiphany at the very least. The Ask Bubba column often fields questions from readers that are deeply personal , spiritual and cultural. Topics range from marriage, dogs , life, gender, in-laws, faith and all things too complicated for your psychiatrist to answer.
Over the past year, questions just keep getting more and more personal, packed with a heavy dose of stupidity. Sadly, there doesn’t seem to be too many places where people can go for an answer to a question like “should I leave my husband because he became a vegetarian?” and get a straight response.
Not only is Bubba to the point, but he’s also helpful, entertaining and very, very funny. Don’t believe us? Here is an actual quote from one of Bubba’s answers-
“Remember that scene in the movie ‘Taken’ where Liam Neeson finds his daughter’s friend in the pussy wearhouse, getting fucked by an endless stream of no name low-lifes? That’s where you belong. Do this guy a favor and go find your true calling.” Whoa, deep stuff!
There has been a lot of positive feedback from Bubba’s fans and the increase in readership is substantial. Bubba is without a doubt not very thrilled to hear about your petty mid-life crisis but for the sake of putting you on the right track, he’ll answer any and all questions. Literally, no topic is off limits.
So go ahead and ask anything you want, from three-ways to snuffing your in-laws, nothing is too difficult for Bubba to answer. You can also submit your questions anonymously so people aren’t aware of how fucked up you really are.
Ask Bubba is a weekly column and can only be found at www.bizarrewordbazaar.
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January 4th, 2016

The Jersey Cat’s ‘Good songs’ Compilation CD

 

This is just one of a number of compilation CDs with some of my favorite songs.
To qualify, these songs have to wear well. Sometimes I add a song to a ‘best of’ list but after hearing it over and over, I realize it does not hold up as well as I thought it would.
The songs on this volume 1 CD hold up very well. Below is a brief synopsis of the song along with my reasons for adding it to the list. Some are very popular, some are obscure. I hope you enjoy them all.
1. Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve
The symphonic line that runs through this song is infectious and I never get tired of listening to it. It’s a great song because of that riff. The story behind the riff is bittersweet indeed and dripping with irony. How the band lost the songwriting rights to their greatest hit is a fascinating read and you can compare the original song to the Verve’s version for yourself.
http://www.thevervelive.com/2005/05/bitter-sweet-symphony-controversy-and.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zazdh03qxjE

2. It’s a Mans, Mans, Mans World by James Brown
I first heard this song watching ‘Talk to Me’, a Don Cheadle film about a famous 60’s DJ in Washington DC. From the opening line of the song I was hooked. I loved the simple yet powerful chord progression and I ordered the CD the following day. The theme of this song is brilliant. No matter what great accomplishments man has made in this world, it doesn’t mean anything without a woman….or a girl.

3. Hero and Heroine by the Strawbs
Few people have even heard of the Strawbs but they were one of my favorite bands growing up in the 70’s. The intro is a dynamic blast of power chords which makes one wonder- Is it actually the chorus being that it is repeated throughout the song? If so, the song has 2 different bridges.
The lyrics are based on the tale of Ulysses (Hero) and his trials and tribulations trying to win the heart of his love (Heroine).

4. Hello Goodbye by the Beatles
This is a Paul McCartney happy-go-lucky melody with a tremendous arrangement and interesting back-up vocals. It’s basically a piano song but has this really cool electric guitar doing an ascending scale. It also has a strange alternate ending. It makes me wonder- how come every happy-go-lucky song Paul wrote afterward the Beatles sucks so bad?

5. Papa don’t take no Mess by James Brown
The basis of this song is a single guitar riff, played over and over again through verse and chorus. It never deviates except for when it gets to the bridge -which is probably the shortest bridge ever written.
James sings about his father being tough but fair with plenty of horn stabs and howls thrown in for good measure.

6. This is the Last Time by Keane
The tone of the piano in this song is probably the best I’ve ever heard. I especially like it when he plays octaves on the upper end of the piano. (I’d bet money that this is a Steinway. It has that recognizable sound just like when you hear a Stratocaster guitar.) The melody is solid but I just love hearing that piano!

7. Spooky by the Classics IV
I heard this song many times on AM radio when it was first released. I always thought it was a black band. Imagine my surprise years later when I saw a picture of the Classics IV- they were all crackers with afros!
The song has a haunting melody and a cool guitar riff accompanied by lyrics about a guy with a strange girlfriend that he can’t quite figure out. It also offers a well crafted sax solo.

8. West End Girls by the Pet Shop Boys
I love the slow, moody beginning of this song, with the sound of children playing in the background. The verse and chorus have a great bass line which changes up at the very end. In the middle there’s a great trumpet solo with an 80’s synth flavor to it.

9. Chain Gang by the Pretenders
If anyone ever wants to know what a 12 string electric Rickenbacker guitar sounds like, play them this song. This is one of the greatest songs the Pretenders ever wrote and it has some tasty lead guitar throughout.

10. Sweet Harmony by the Beloved
The Beloved were a little known band in the 90’s. This song has a great message and a moody synthesized melody that makes it a joy to listen to.

11. In my Life by the Beatles
A song from the Rubber Soul album written by John Lennon. It is minimal and beautiful. The harpsichord lead in the middle of the song is kind of quirky, but it works. I especially love hearing John sing in falsetto to punctuate the end of the song.

12. Mrs. Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel
This was the song of the year in 1968 and the melody is timeless. The acoustic guitar work is fantastic and so are the harmonies. I tried researching who actually played the lead guitar on this song because I’m convinced it was not Paul Simon. I couldn’t find anything to dispute it but I have never heard any other S&G song that has the same intensity and virtuosity as the guitar playing on this song.

13. Sadness by Enigma
This is the first modern song I can recall that used Gregorian chants and there has been none better since. Great use of bells to create a dark and moody landscape. The only fault I can find with this song is the French girl panting in the middle, but I can overlook that faux pas.
14. What It’s Like by Everlast
This song has such deep and powerful lyrics that it’s hard to imagine someone listening to it and not feeling empathy for the less fortunate. Everlast takes a stand for the weak by inter-weaving a short story for every verse and gives very compelling reasons why you should not rush to judge others. The acoustic guitar is great too!

15. I was Wrong by Social Distortion
It’s hard to describe Social D without using the words ‘jackhammer’ and ‘chainsaw’ because their music sounds just like those 2 things. But like those 2 instruments, this song is powerful and driving. Mike Ness’ vocals are one of rock musics’ most unique and his lyrics paint a story of humanity and mistakes.

16. Steppin’ Out by Joe Jackson
Steppin’ Out has a wonderful melody that is complemented by a traveling bass line that weaves it’s way in and out of the song. I love the storyline and the mood this song creates.

17. Logical Song by Supertramp
Another keyboard song that uses some great guitar riffs to complement the melody. There’s a lot of bells and whistles (and telephones) to tickle the ear. The song ends with the lead vocal going higher and higher and higher and nailing the final line, then fading out in a sea of melotron-like keyboard lines.
18. High Hopes by Pink Floyd
High Hopes is one of Pink Floyd’s lesser known songs from the last studio album that they produced. That album- ‘the Division Bell’ was a big statement aimed specifically at Roger Waters and the tumultuous relationship he had with the band. The statement was ‘You fucked up big time!” and the song ‘High hopes’ is the exclamation point to that statement. The song is classic Pink Floyd, slowly building and layered with cool sounding instruments, finally culminating in the most amazing solo that David Gilmour ever played.

December 20th, 2015

The Fickle Ways We Communicate Laughter

 

The integration of texting and e-mail into daily life has changed the different ways that we communicate and express laughter. There are no standardized, written-out rules to this, however. This is why your grandparent might text you “lol” in response to something you said in seriousness, thinking that it stands for “lots of love.” Think about the last time you were texting with someone who made a joke. How did you respond and why?

 

“Ha” is a building block for text-expressed laughter. But you can send an entirely different message based on the number of blocks you add into your laugh. “Ha,” to me, sounds like a smirk, like something was funny, but not funny enough to warrant two consecutive uses. “Haha,” on the other hand, is the most simple and universal signifier for a respectful laugh, a modest chuckle indicating genuine amusement. Add another “ha” to that and you’ve shown you’ve had a good laugh, one that was, likely, laughed aloud. Any more than three and you’re probably holding your phone with two hands, laughing away as both thumbs press down alternatively on the H and A keys, click-clack-click-clack. These distinctions can only be learned through real life practice. To emphasize our laughter — especially when we actually laugh out loud — we tend to link together and repeat the base expressions “lol” or “ha.”

 

A simple, lowercase “lol” can appear flippant, and can express something along the lines of, “I know you made a joke and even though I didn’t physically laugh, I’m going to support the fact that you think you are being funny.” How did the universal online signifier for laughter become akin to a snicker? One contributing factor is the development in online communication that gave rise to distinctions between lower and uppercase use in conveying laughter. In the way of text messaging, lowercase letters communicate with less emphasis than do uppercase letters, and quickly. So if something someone said was absolutely hilarious, to the point that you laughed aloud, even cackled, one might be more inclined to respond with laughter expressed in capital letters, “LOL,” instead of the lowercase “lol.” It even reads simply as, “I laughed loudly.”

 

There are a few others ways we express laughter through text. “Lmao,” which stands for “laughing my ass off,” and “rofl,” short for “rolling on the floor laughing,” are also common, though not with the youngest nor the oldest generations. These two are a great alternative, for when you’ve been using too many ha’s or lols, or when you really want to emphasize that you thought something was side splitting hilarious. The younger generations, for some reason, are often using “hehe,” which reminds me of a mischievous giggle, like one you would use when you know something and someone else isn’t in on the joke. Regardless of why young people are using it, the importance of “hehe” is that the way we express laughter through text is still changing and developing, with people finding new ways to convey this feeling all the time.

 

Even though all these laughter signifiers are supposed to mean the same thing, the way you express your laughter through text conveys different levels of reception to the person you’re communicating with. Sometimes the intention or even the cadence you wish to use gets lost in communication when we’re sharing information over text or email. This is what makes language — especially in the age of mobile technology — such a funny, fickle thing.

December 6th, 2015

Our Top 5 Band Names of the Week

When you think of a band name you think of that creative name that will market you. Your fans should be able to remember the name. In fact, you should make the name so memorable that fans will only think of it whenever they think of a band.
So how do you come up with such a name? Relax. Do not bother for we are here for you. We got you covered. With our creative team we have come up with lots of bands names that are funny and clever, or simply call it creativity at its best. With our band names it is all about being unique and memorable while at the same time getting you known to your legion of adoring fans.
From our collection you get to choose the best name that fits your band. (For a small fee we will give you exclusive rights to that name.) We’ll also help you to avoid the costly fee charged to trademark your name, which can run several thousand dollars.
In a very simple procedure you are able to reserve the best name for your band. And to even make it easier, we are publishing weekly the five best cutting edge and current names from our crack team of word wizards from which you can choose. So without further ado, here’s this week’s list:
Dark Turd
Dark Turd makes sits at the top of the pile (pun intended) in our count down for the five best band names. The name is cool, fun and unique. Who are these mysterious (dark) and earthy (turd) musicians? Short and concise, it is one of the easiest names to remember with its graphic, descriptive image and rhyming word.
Euphrates Katz
Second in our list is Euphrates Katz. The name is unique in all aspects, conjuring up mystic images from the ancient river of Babylon and mixing it up with that fun loving feline and popular pet. It’s also a great play on words by sounding like “You ‘fraidy cats!” Plus it has a Z in the name. Other bands will covet you for having a Z in your name.
Euphrates Katz is the kind of name that leaves fans wondering “who are these cool dudes?” If you have a band that is looking for a name, I assure you that ‘Euphrates Katz’ will never go unnoticed.
The Sigh Co.
The Sigh Co. makes it to the list as band name number three. It is a fun name that tells a lot about the band. Another play on words, it’s pronounced “The Pyscho”.
It gives the audience the anxiety to hear from the band and with it, the audience will always yearn to hear more from you. Imagine the DJ announcing your newest hit “This song is from The Sigh Co.” Plus how many guys know of some girl they call ‘the psycho’? It’s relatable! This name is also a bit retro. Remember ‘Bad Co.’ (Bad Company) that mega huge band of the 70’s? Having a band with a company name is now cutting edge!
The Young Curmudgeons
When you are young you want people to know you are young. Even when you are young at heart, and with such a name as ‘The Young Curmudgeons’, people will anticipate for new and fresh things from you and the truth is, you will always get that attention that you are eagerly seeking.
This funny and original band name is an oxymoron because a curmudgeon is a cantankerous, crusty old person so how can one be young?
The Beefeaters (all girl metal band)
The Beefeaters makes it to the cut of the best five in this week’s edition of the best 5 band names. The Beefeaters is a cool name for ladies who are doing rock as it gives you that bad girl reputation which is so important for your street cred.
It is that every girl metal band’s wish to have a name so cool and nasty. Plus everyone knows of the Beefeaters, those famous body guards from the Royal Palace and their unique outfits. Those guys are badass! So why not reserve this name for your band and get the audience shouting Beefeaters!!!
If you’re looking for a band name and these don’t quite fit the bill, try our huge list of incredibly funny, unique and original band names that are available for a very small fee. Isn’t your band worth it?

November 29th, 2015

Witty Storylines

For those who take everything so seriously and literally, we have news for you- we don’t. Or maybe we see the fun and the comical even in the toughest and most badass of stories. At BizarreWordsBazaar, we invest in developing fictional narratives around make-believe storylines, with witty and beautiful wordplays.

We craft tall tales like the movie series Cat Scratch Fever, a story set in the fictional retirement community of Leisure World also known as Seizure World. Cat Scratch Fever revolves around Werecats-fictional creatures similar to werewolves.
They run around Seizure World during the full moon careening, scratching and gouging out eyes of sleeping victims. The local cops swoop in to try stem the chaos but they are left helpless as the body count rises.

Jumping Bean is a fictional series on Tru TV which involves a bunch of gung-ho fanatics from Arizona who consider it their job to police the border and keep out the “brownies”. The group leader Army Ranger Buster Witt says “Hell, I’ve been bitten by snakes, even fire ants and scorpions. I was once stepped on by a burro yet when I chase after some screaming senorita with a cake in the oven, it’s a double bonus. I just kept two of ‘em out.”
Even then they have managed to stay away from breaking the law. It hasn’t been all that easy for them as two of their gang members have been victims of flash floods and one unfortunately was run over by an ICE SUV.

Broadway Scapegoat directed by Hugo Elton is about a surprise he pulls off on New Yorkers who pay top dollar for a great show only to have key actors replaced by the homeless. The reaction turns out to be mixed- one actor got hailed as a hero and celebrated with a flower bouquet while another got his ass kicked in the Orchestra pit.

More exciting shows lined up for this Fall include The Tourettes, a reality show about a heavy metal all-female band that tours the bible belt belching out obscene tunes yet they surprisingly make a big buzz in the deeply conservative community. Also slated for fall is Major Ahso a comical series about a Japanese soldier living with a Mormon family who unleashes his Asian discipline on the family’s wayward kid much to the appreciation and amusement of his parents and the suburban community around them.

We at BizarreWordBazaar are not yet done with a new series about nerds on the Learning channel. The Werd Nerds is about Vern Acular and Norman Clature two bosom friends who are known for more than there characteristic white shirts and khaki pants. They scour around for scrabble matches with unsuspecting opponents while carrying around an Oxford Dictionary. Typically they lose the first match to bait the rival then go on to unleash a series of wins before walking away having eviscerated their bewildered opponents. This show is slated to run at 8:00 pm on Tuesday on TLC.

And you can’t afford to miss out on The Deutche Baggs a 70’s show featuring the challenges and lifestyles of two German PR marketing specialists Wilhelm and Gotlieb Baggs and The Dog Yeller which is a parody of the dog whisperer but more badass and intimidating.

Burnt Crackers is a new HBO series featuring Bugs and Cricket McCooter who find help from unlikely sources as they learn to scrap copper from their once burnt-out trailer home.

If you are up for witty and jaw dropping word vending plots BizarreWordBazaar.com is that one place to explore your creative juices and find funny and comical plots around make-believe drama that is more exciting and funnier than real world storylines.

We gladly accept new stories from our readers. To contribute content click here

November 23rd, 2015

What the Hell is a Bizarre Word Bazaar?

In this era of massive multiplayer online games, mobile phones and instant movies, have people lost their interest in good old-fashioned wordplay? Wordplay is a term used to designate the activities involving a play on words including metaphors, riddles and malapropisms. These things make literature fun and interesting.
Shortly after the first “uhg” was uttered people have used riddles and stories to pass time but is wordplay becoming obsolete? We don’t think so. Today there are more people than ever who love riddles, plays on words, and creating and reading funny, clever stories.
Bizarrewordbazaar is the site for these folks. We enjoy creating new and clever word play and helping those who love wordplay to share their ideas. We designed the BWB website to be interesting and fun to navigate. We regularly update our site with fresh and unique content weekly.
Mixed metaphors are one of our favorite topics and we have them in abundance. Mixed metaphors are two images or normal metaphors joined together in an illogical and foolish way so as to seem funny while maintaining what they really mean. An example of a mixed metaphor would be:

”Don’t burn your bridges till you come to them.”

Coming up with humorous ways to use mixed metaphors can prove helpful with your English assignments. Some people find this word mix-up rather amusing and interesting while others may frown upon it but don’t let that stop you from experimenting in your assignments and in your daily converstation.
Another interesting wordplay is the use of malapropisms. Malapropisms are verbal slips and gaffes. These are the small mistakes you make with the slip of your tongue causing the whole situation to become comical. An example of a malapropism would be:

“He had to use a fire distinguisher.”

In this sentence extinguisher became distinguisher by a slip of tongue making the situation rather funny.
Many writers, comics and Manga artists use these in their works especially for gag or comical scenes. Bizarre Word Bazaar has some extremely laughable, new and unique malapropisms.
We also have a funny story section called ‘American Bullshit True Story’ and like many of our other posts, the public can contribute content. For those with a more twisted sense of humor, we feature a raunchy advice column called ‘Dear Bubba’ where you can find “Hard advice for hard times”. Submit your question to Bubba – you can basically ask anything – but be prepared to get hit with both barrels.
It doesn’t matter if you’re an intellectual type, literature major or a regular Joe, you will definitely find something that will grab your attention here at BizarreWordBazaar

November 15th, 2015

The Top 10 Best Album Covers of All Time

See our choices for the top 10 best album covers of all time. We know opinions are like assholes but it’s a fact that the staff of BWB’s shit doesn’t stink!

So look for yourself to see our ‘bizarre’ choices. Here’s a hint to pique your interest….. Top 10 best album covers of all time

 

 

November 9th, 2015
by HCouturier

 

We All Need A Reason To Feel Like Crap  puke2

Yes- that’s right, we do, and Bizarre Word Bazaar’s Ask Bubba advice column gives us all just that. If you’ve been searching for ways to feel even less about yourself, look no further. This is your gift from Heaven. Don’t ask yourself why you have been blessed to stumble upon such a thing, just take it and run, far, far away…really far away….

We All Need An Uncaring Shoulder To Cry On

I’m just assuming the same for you, but this is exactly what I look for when I am in the pits of despair. A cold, bitter, sarcastic shoulder to cry on. Believe it or not, this is exactly what Ask Bubba gives you! Believe it, friends! I know some things sound too good to be true, but this one is the real deal. No matter what you are going through, no matter how wretched, disgusting, heart-wrenching, or vile, Bubba is sure to make you feel even worse about yourself, guaranteed.

Sympathy Is Overrated

Let’s face it- sympathy is way overrated. When was the last time that a hug, tender words, and understanding really made you feel better? I think it’s safe to say never. What we all need in any tough situation is a good-old virtual slap in the face, not grandma’s cookies, a box of tissues, and a cozy blanket. What we need more than anything is a violent jolt into reality, and who better to give that to us than some fairly creepy, deformed looking person with a wall-eye, guy named Bubba?

Ask Bubba Anything!

I mean really anything. That strange smell coming off of your feet, why your Uncle Bob stares at you in that unsettling way at holiday gatherings, the urge you have to throw sacks of flour in the faces of drive-through window employees. Nothing is off limits. Relationship struggles, your own insecurities, the insane obsessive thoughts you have running through your head in a constant relay. Lay them to rest at the musty, cracked feet of Bubba.

We’re All In This Together

Bubba puts it all into perspective- we are all worthless pieces of crap tied up in one big, ugly bundle. Doesn’t that really put things in a whole new light? Rest assured that no one else is doing any better than you are, and that’s a comfort right there in itself. So get it together and send him your woes…you’ll feel so awful you did!

Screw Dear Abby.
Check out the raunchiest, most irreverent advice column on the internet-
Ask Bubba
You’ll be sorry you did!
HCouturier is a freelance writer who is available for hire.
You can contact her at : https://www.fiverr.com/hcouturier

 

 

 

Why Band Name Generators Suck (And Why You Don’t Have To)  puke2

 

Really, the answer to this should be self-explanatory, but clearly it isn’t because there is a need for this article in the first place. A better question would probably be: Why do you need a band name generator in the first place? Do you doubt human creativity so much that you would rather an inanimate object, albeit a rather intelligent one, put together what will be the very core and essence of your band: your name? Do you really want to be like the thousands of other bands out there, totally generic and lacking any real imagination? If that’s what you want, quit reading now. There’s really no help for you. However, If you wanted to smash the computer when you read that and found yourself screaming out an angry “NO!” while clenching your fists and kicking the coffee table, then read on. There is help for you.

 

What’s In A Name?

 

If you didn’t already know this, a band’s name means a lot, I mean a whole lot. As an avid listener of music myself, I can say that we fans put a lot of thought into the names of our beloved bands, imagining that there are deep and interesting meanings behind them, or at the very least funny stories of how they came about. Can you imagine when being asked about your band’s name saying lamely, “Oh yeah, about that…you know, we couldn’t think of anything better so we had a computer make something up…it’s totally meaningless.” You might just see a lot of disappointed fans- I mean, that’s so incredibly boring. And typical. Name generators wouldn’t be so popular if a lot of mediocre bands weren’t putting them to use already. Do you want to be another mediocre band? Or even worse, do you want to suck? Don’t suck, ok, just don’t. There are other options out there. Way. Better. Options.

 

Friend’s Don’t Let Friend’s Suck

 

At this point I would consider us friends a little bit, so I simply cannot let you suck without trying to do something about it. You have a great band, everyone in it just kills it on stage, and maybe you guys even have some gigs lined up. Don’t you want, no, NEED, a totally unique and outrageous name to go with it, crafted by the ingenious mind of an actual human being? Of course you do. What is there to do about it? Read on.

 

Bizarre Word Bazaar Can Help (We Are Here For You) (Cyber Hug!)

 

We here at Bizarre Word Bazaar believe in creating a better world, one band name at a time. Because as the famous Ghandi saying goes, or maybe it wasn’t Ghandi at all but who really cares anyways: “be the change you wish to see in the world”, so that’s what we are doing: trying to stop the insanity of band generator-generated, totally random and meaningless names from infiltrating our heads, causing sneers, sarcastic comments, and lots of eye-rolling. We are dedicated to creating totally unique names, spawned out of the depths of our collaborated brains, that are as individual to your band as you are. So please, let us help. We offer a wide array of totally ridiculous and outrageous names to choose from, and you can rest safe knowing that the name will be only yours…forever. And ever. Into eternity. It will never leave you. So check us out! What do you have to loose? Sucking…that’s what.

 

Here’s a great list of original band names
to get your creative juices flowing:

http://www.bizarrewordbazaar.com/original-band-names-list/

HCouturier is a freelance writer who is available for hire.
You can contact her at : https://www.fiverr.com/hcouturier

 

6 thoughts on “Bizarre Word Bazaar Blog

  1. Yeaaah.. it was another joke that came from the one with the chicken. Why did the tomato cross the road ? To ketchup.

  2. After reading all the articles I have to say that that cover is absolutely astonishing.. I was really amazed and I have been smiling since then..

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