Mixed Metaphors funny
- During anxious times, it can be tempting to follow the siren call of the angriest voices.
- I’m about as happy as a dead pig in sunshine.
Tip of the Pen to Cheyenne Bill for the following:
- If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, is it Scandinavian?
- People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren’t idiots. That would be stereotyping.
- I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.
- Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely!
- I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.
- He forgot to pay me for the computer I sold him. Bad cache memory.
Tip of the Pen and a free T-shirt to Cheyenne Bill for the following trio:
- Protractor; In favor of farm machinery.
- Jargon; Pertaining to a lost container.
- Hammock; To ridicule a pork product.
Few men have achieved what Yogi Berra has achieved in his lifetime, namely, eight entries in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations.
Incidentally he won ten World Series Championships with the New York Yankees. Now that’s a double header Yogi!
Meaning: (n) A completely worthless conversation; small talk
a tip of the pen to: Bill Cheyenne
Meaning: Bicyclist who thinks he doesn’t have to share the road.
Origin: Combination of Narcissist and Cyclist.
…more frustrated than a queer with tonsillitis on Valentines day
Origin: Larry the cable guy
Usage: I guess I was just cornfused.
Origin: Most likely a mashup of corn-holed and confused.
Usage: “He muckledunged it up”
Origin: Mashup of “muck” as in “he mucked it up” and dung
Usage: “Ustacould do it that way.”
Origin: Mashup of “you used to be able to” and “you could”.
Origin: A mashup of conglomerate and clobber
Meaning: A large complex matter.
Feathers in a bunch
Origin: A mashup of “ruffling feathers” and “panties in a bunch”
Throw a stake in the sand
Origin: A mash up of “draw a line in the sand” and “we have a lot at stake”.
Usage: “Maybe we need to throw a stake in the sand here.”
Origin: Possible mash-up of bubbled and burped
Usage: “Something burbled out there”
Nip it in the butt
Misuse of Nip it in the bud
Out The Roof
Off the roof + out of sight?
Pull No Stops
“Were going to pull no stops on this one.”
Origin: Indentured meets sub assy.
Something between a blurb and a burp
Cross between a swivel and a wobble
That should keep my cheeks from getting in a bind.
Usage: Not clear
Origin: Your guess is as good as mine, really.
Usage: It was there last week, but they “kiboshicated” it.
A Well Of Knowledge
“Were trying to tap our well of knowledge.”
Usage: Critical Mode: needs to use the restroom real bad…no time for talk.
Origin: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Usage: “Did he make sure and follow the standard Etiquecy?”
Food chain of events
Usage: “I don’t know if I’m following the food chain of events here.”
Origin: An elegant concatenation of “food chain” and “chain of events”. This would make Vanna White do back handsprings if she could hear it.
Pronounced Gap-e-o-sis : Something is to short to reach and it creates a gap.
Usage: Same as Gap.
Guts and Feathers
Useage: Simlar to “Nuts and Bolts”
Usage: Caught in the Hogmire.
Origin: Evidently a blending of Hogpen and Quagmire
Grab the Bull by the Balls
Origin: A variation of “Grab the Bull by the Horns”
Attributed to Dean Wormer ‘Animal House’
More Confused than a blind queer at a wienie roast
Origin: Who the hell knows, it’s funny
Dennis Miller describing his phone being tapped in Las Vegas:
…there were more clicks than a Ubangi marital spat.
Dennis Miller complaining that the lid on the jelly bean jar in his hotel room was stuck:
…it was harder to get off than Martha Stewart on a set of dirty sheets
Words we id-vented: we feel they are self-explanatory…