Mixed Metaphors funny

mixed metaphor
a combination of two or more incompatible metaphors, which produces a ridiculous effect (e.g., this tower of strength will forge ahead ).
malapropisms
the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect, as in, for example, “dance a flamingo ” (instead of flamenco ).
  • During anxious times, it can be tempting to follow the siren call of the angriest voices.
  • I’m about as happy as a dead pig in sunshine.

Tip of the Pen to Cheyenne Bill for the following:

  • If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, is it Scandinavian?
  • People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren’t idiots. That would be stereotyping.
  • I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.
  • Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely!
  • I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.
  • He forgot to pay me for the computer I sold him. Bad cache memory.

Tip of the Pen and a free T-shirt to Cheyenne Bill for the following trio:

  • Protractor; In favor of farm machinery.
  • Jargon; Pertaining to a lost container.
  • Hammock; To ridicule a pork product.

In Memoriam – Yogi Berra 1925 – 2015yogi

Few men have achieved what Yogi Berra has achieved in his lifetime, namely, eight entries in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations.
Incidentally he won ten World Series Championships with the New York Yankees. Now that’s a double header Yogi!

Yogi-isms

On his approach to at-bats: “You can’t think and hit at the same time.”
On selecting a restaurant: “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
On economics: “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
On the 1973 Mets: “We were overwhelming underdogs.”
On how events sometimes seem to repeat themselves: “It’s déjà-vu all over again!”
On baseball attendance: “If people don’t come to the ballpark, how are you gonna stop them?”
On a slipping batting average: “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. … I just ain’t hitting.”
On travel directions: “When you come to a fork in the road take it.”
On fan mail: “Never answer an anonymous letter.”
On being told he looked cool: “You don’t look so hot yourself.”
On a spring training drill: “Pair off in threes.”
On his approach to playing baseball: “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
On death: “Always go to other people’s funerals. Otherwise they won’t go to yours.”
On learning: “You can observe a lot by watching.”
On his team’s diminishing pennant chances: “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”
On the fractured syntax attributed to him: “I really didn’t say everything I said.”

Nonversation

Meaning: (n) A completely worthless conversation; small talk

a tip of the pen to: Bill Cheyenne

Narcicyclist

Meaning: Bicyclist who thinks he doesn’t have to share the road.

Origin: Combination of Narcissist and Cyclist.

 

…more frustrated than a queer with tonsillitis on Valentines day

Origin: Larry the cable guy

Cornfused

Usage: I guess I was just cornfused.

Origin: Most likely a mashup of corn-holed and confused.

Muckledung

Usage: “He muckledunged it up”

Origin: Mashup of “muck” as in “he mucked it up” and dung

Ustacould

Usage: “Ustacould do it that way.”

Origin: Mashup of “you used to be able to” and “you could”.

Conglobberation

Origin: A mashup of conglomerate and clobber

Meaning: A large complex matter.

Feathers in a bunch

Origin: A mashup of “ruffling feathers” and “panties in a bunch”

Throw a stake in the sand

Origin: A mash up of “draw a line in the sand” and “we have a lot at stake”.

Usage: “Maybe we need to throw a stake in the sand here.”

Burbled

Origin: Possible mash-up of bubbled and burped

Usage: “Something burbled out there”

Nip it in the butt

Misuse of Nip it in the bud

Out The Roof

Off the roof + out of sight?

Pull No Stops

“Were going to pull no stops on this one.”

Sub-Dentured

Origin: Indentured meets sub assy.

Blurp

Something between a blurb and a burp

Swobble 

Cross between a swivel and a wobble

That should keep my cheeks from getting in a bind.

Usage: Not clear

Origin: Your guess is as good as mine, really.

Kiboshicated

Usage: It was there last week, but they “kiboshicated” it.

A Well Of Knowledge

“Were trying to tap our well of knowledge.”

Critical Mode

Usage: Critical Mode: needs to use the restroom real bad…no time for talk.

Origin: Necessity is the mother of invention.

Etiquecy

Usage: “Did he make sure and follow the standard Etiquecy?”

Food chain of events

Usage: “I don’t know if I’m following the food chain of events here.”

Origin: An elegant concatenation of “food chain” and “chain of events”. This would make Vanna White do back handsprings if she could hear it.

Gapiosys

Pronounced Gap-e-o-sis :  Something is to short to reach and it creates a gap.

Usage: Same as Gap.

Guts and Feathers

Useage: Simlar to “Nuts and Bolts”

Hogmire

Usage: Caught in the Hogmire.

Origin: Evidently a blending of Hogpen and Quagmire

Grab the Bull by the Balls

Origin: A variation of “Grab the Bull by the Horns”

Attributed to Dean Wormer ‘Animal House’

More Confused than a blind queer at a wienie roast

Origin: Who the hell knows, it’s funny

Dennis Miller describing his phone being tapped in Las Vegas:

…there were more clicks than a Ubangi marital spat.

Dennis Miller complaining that the lid on the jelly bean jar in his hotel room was stuck:

…it was harder to get off than Martha Stewart on a set of dirty sheets

 

Here’s a list of new words from 2006. Did any of these stand the test of time?

Words we id-vented: we feel they are self-explanatory…

Chickuliar

Noptimist

Circumcisive

Typigal

Contribute Content

 

Clever Funny Wordplay – Bizarre Word Bazaar

6 thoughts on “Mixed Metaphors, Malapropisms & More

  1. Trimary
    Origin: Primary + Tri = Trimary
    Usage: Not primary, not secondary but trimary. Yes, we know the proper term is tertiary, but that’s not nearly as cool; and everyone knows what you mean when you say trimary.

  2. I find all these names and eplanations so funny.. I have been laughing since I started reading this.. Thank you for making me smile today!!

  3. You will surely need the two definitions for mixed metaphors and malapropisms in order to fully understand this great article that will make you feel better. Really hilarious metaphors and explanations!!

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